Tuesday, July 3, 2007

The little moments of life

I shouldn't worry. As my wife Jill says "your life isn't that bad." It isn't bad, my life is fairly relaxing. The things I worry about are minor in the big scheme of the time and the universe. Yet even with all that said I still worry on a regular basis. I have been a worrier for most of my life. I developed this habit a young age and have perfected it over the years. I worry about the future quite a bit. I think I have worried so much about the future that I have missed many present moments. I don't think any of my worries have come to fruition. My worrying also has not affected the outcome of any event. Yet I still find myself worrying.
I have been present in my kids lives but my mind has been other places many times. Present in body missing in mind, that is how I would describe much of my life. I missed many moments while a youth pastor because of my worrying. On youth trips (which are great for everyone but the youth pastor) I would spend much of my thought time thinking of every worse case scenerio. (Granted a lot of those instants happen with teenagers). I enjoyed many moments after the time but missed out on the present.
It is a daily struggle to keep myself from worrying. My kids help me quite a bit, they keep me from worrying about my insignificant problems. My son Ayden keeps me laughing daily. The other morning he is sitting in my room and I was folding laudry (yes men can fold laundry). There was a tank top that we had picked up at sea world (one that is over priced and has an iron on on it). It had the manatee iron on. I asked Ayden what it was. He was thinking and he has a stuttering problem and so he says "sham, sham, shampoo." I am thinking what is he talking about, then I realized he was refering to the whale at sea world.
About a month ago I am laying in bed not wanting to get up. Ayden comes in the room with a "i just ate lemons" look. He tells me "I don't like ucky donuts." I realize that we don't have donuts. I am thinking what was he eating. I go into the kitchen to see the leftovers from red robin the night before. Ayden had gotten into the to go box and had eaten onion rings.
These are the type of moments I don't want to miss because of worry. I am working on it.


Lance said...

I struggle with the same thing a lot - too much worry which causes me to miss out on the present.

Thanks for writing this.

Jim Palmer said...

ben, i think you are hitting upon something foundational. God didn't identify himself as the "I was" or the "I will be," but the "I AM" - present tense. regret over the past or anxiety concerning the future pulls us out of the NOW where God dwells and offers his love and life. even Christianity can focus us on what God 'did' or what God one day 'will do,' rather than what God seeks to give right now. thanks for the reminder!

Hermi said...

Exactly what I am talking about. Live Life to the Fullest!!!! Good to hear Ben that I was not the only one struggling there. It's a real ouch when it effects moments with our kids. For example I was at Matt's brother Ben's wedding this past summer. We had to pay too much for the hotel room we stayed and we worried about that. Then the kids wanted to swim in the pool which I really did too, but I was too worried about getting me hair all wet and messed up an hour or so before rehearsal dinner. It was so stupid of me b/c the timing to let loose and swim off my worries and my stupid adult life by having fun with my kids was there and then gone. I didn't enjoy it nearly the way I should have and i have regretted it and hated myself for it ever since. uhggggg I hate regret even more. Help us Jesus to enjoy our little moments of life.