I am at a place of life where very little about my life makes sense. In the use of an analogy I feel like I have a box of puzzle pieces from about 10 different puzzles. It doesn’t make any sense nor can the pieces be assembled in a way that actually makes anything.
It has been a rough four months with me commuting from Valpo to Goshen without our house selling. There have been two factors that have made this a little easier: those are my parents had a house that they had bought that they weren’t living in and the other is that the pastor and I have gotten along great and had been working on different projects and I felt worked real well together.
Last week my parents moved in (planned) and the pastor announced he was leaving (unplanned). Now I have a house in valpo, sleeping on the floor of my parents house in Goshen, and the unknown fact of who is going to take over at the church. None of these pieces fit together at all. I am just a little bit frustrated. Not at any person, but rather at the situations.
I am not going to begin speculating at what the future holds because I have no idea of anything. There is a pretty good chance I will not stay at the church after the pastor leaves. There is just something about doing ministry with people you have chemistry and a natural vision with and if that isn’t there or either side than it doesn’t do much good to stay. Ministry is hard enough as it and it is ten times worse when you are doing it in a unhealthy team situation.Is my house not selling for a reason? I am very much a control freak when it comes to my future and situations that I am in. Of course this is God’s way of having me develop trust but I have to say it isn’t funny any more. I hate living in limbo without knowing what is going to happen next. I feel like I have lived this way since I left Real Life over 2 years ago. This doesn’t make any sense and I can echo the sentiments of a girl in a youth group meeting I had many years ago whose prayer request was for a friend who had std and her response was and she is not happy about it. I am really not happy about this whole situation. I just wish my puzzle pieces were from the same puzzle.