I am always thinking and concerned about what my final outcome will be. As I think about what this new venture in Goshen will be I don't know what the final outcome will be. I think about when I was 25 and just starting at real life, the responsibility the prestege of working in a church of the size and the youth group. I was excited to think after Real Life what opportunities would open up after that. Now seven years later I look back and think what happened. I am now starting over. I have no idea how to measure success in a church setting. If I was to measure it financially I was making $10 an hour at the group home I was working at. In this new venture I am making just over half what I was making at Real Life. But, I can't look at what I am doing in terms of finance. I can't look at St Marks in terms of numbers either. I am inheriting a youth group of about 10% the size of Real Life. It is hard from a logical perspective of what has happened. This makes no sense at all from a human perspective.
I don't have an agenda of where my life is going to go. I really don't have a goal of what I want to accomplish at St Marks, I don't have all of these concerns of where this job is going to take me.
I am more concerned with the person I am and who I become rather than what goals and accolaids I get. Do I want to be successful? Absolutely, but the outcome I am looking for is just different now as oppossed to when I was 25. Sometimes rather many times when following God it doesn't make much sense and God's definition of success is something that we can only scratch our heads at. At least God hasn't asked me to build an ark (see noah), marry a prostitute (see Hosea), or any other number of things He asked people in the Bible to do.