I shouldn't worry. As my wife Jill says "your life isn't that bad." It isn't bad, my life is fairly relaxing. The things I worry about are minor in the big scheme of the time and the universe. Yet even with all that said I still worry on a regular basis. I have been a worrier for most of my life. I developed this habit a young age and have perfected it over the years. I worry about the future quite a bit. I think I have worried so much about the future that I have missed many present moments. I don't think any of my worries have come to fruition. My worrying also has not affected the outcome of any event. Yet I still find myself worrying.
I have been present in my kids lives but my mind has been other places many times. Present in body missing in mind, that is how I would describe much of my life. I missed many moments while a youth pastor because of my worrying. On youth trips (which are great for everyone but the youth pastor) I would spend much of my thought time thinking of every worse case scenerio. (Granted a lot of those instants happen with teenagers). I enjoyed many moments after the time but missed out on the present.
It is a daily struggle to keep myself from worrying. My kids help me quite a bit, they keep me from worrying about my insignificant problems. My son Ayden keeps me laughing daily. The other morning he is sitting in my room and I was folding laudry (yes men can fold laundry). There was a tank top that we had picked up at sea world (one that is over priced and has an iron on on it). It had the manatee iron on. I asked Ayden what it was. He was thinking and he has a stuttering problem and so he says "sham, sham, shampoo." I am thinking what is he talking about, then I realized he was refering to the whale at sea world.
About a month ago I am laying in bed not wanting to get up. Ayden comes in the room with a "i just ate lemons" look. He tells me "I don't like ucky donuts." I realize that we don't have donuts. I am thinking what was he eating. I go into the kitchen to see the leftovers from red robin the night before. Ayden had gotten into the to go box and had eaten onion rings.
These are the type of moments I don't want to miss because of worry. I am working on it.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Sunday, June 17, 2007
My first real baseball game
Last night was suppose to be the big night and it was a really cool experience until the rain came in hard from left field. There was an announcer, and all the teams were on the field and then the rain came and we were canceled.
So today (fathers day) was my first official game. My arm felt like crap from the beginning. I think I can pitch 4 innings every two weeks. I struck out 3 in 3 plus innings, 4 hits, 2 earned runs (2 more runs were scored with the help of 4 errors) and I gave up a hr, and hit a batter. It was semi pleased with the outing.
My hitting was a different story. I doubled in my first ab, and drove in 2. I singled and scored a run in my second ab. When I was taken out of the game in the 4th we were up 6-4. When I came up for the third time it was tied in the bottom of the 8th. Runners were on first and second with no body out. I was figuring I would get a hit and win the game. Well the coach had other thoughts, he comes up to me right before my at bat and says bunt. In all my years of baseball I have never bunted in a game. I was shocked and look at him a second time, he gives me the you had better bunt look. I just start laughing. So I bunted and with my blazing speed I beat out the bunt. (So I ended going 3-3.) The next batter hit a ball between first and second and we won the game.
The coach gives game balls out after every win and I got my first game ball ever in baseball. I get to pitch again in two weeks.
So today (fathers day) was my first official game. My arm felt like crap from the beginning. I think I can pitch 4 innings every two weeks. I struck out 3 in 3 plus innings, 4 hits, 2 earned runs (2 more runs were scored with the help of 4 errors) and I gave up a hr, and hit a batter. It was semi pleased with the outing.
My hitting was a different story. I doubled in my first ab, and drove in 2. I singled and scored a run in my second ab. When I was taken out of the game in the 4th we were up 6-4. When I came up for the third time it was tied in the bottom of the 8th. Runners were on first and second with no body out. I was figuring I would get a hit and win the game. Well the coach had other thoughts, he comes up to me right before my at bat and says bunt. In all my years of baseball I have never bunted in a game. I was shocked and look at him a second time, he gives me the you had better bunt look. I just start laughing. So I bunted and with my blazing speed I beat out the bunt. (So I ended going 3-3.) The next batter hit a ball between first and second and we won the game.
The coach gives game balls out after every win and I got my first game ball ever in baseball. I get to pitch again in two weeks.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
My first high school coaching experience
A couple of months ago I wrote how I had volunteered to assist with coaching a high school baseball team. I am now assisting with their summer schedule. Last night the head coach was busy so he asked me to fully coach the team. Of course the game he asked me to coach was against the team that just lost in Semi-State and was extremely good. The good news is we won 3-0 and I am now 1-0 as a coach. :) The game didn't go off without it's interesting moments. Of course there was a practical joker on the team I was coaching who decided to see what I was made of. He tried to run onto the field and play third with hospital goggles on. Then there was our pitcher who didn't enjoy the mound and was trying to loosen up the dirt and kicked some of the dirt/clay into the grass and the coach on the other team started yelling at him. The best part was of course when we scored our first run of the game. One of the slower players was on first base and I thought I was giving the bunt signal to the hitter of course it was the steal sign and the kid started running to second and would have been out by ten feet except it was a horrible throw and it landed in center field. he later scored home on a double steal. Beginners dumb luck.
I get to pitch in my first game this Saturday night against the league champion from last year. I have started to gel with my all spanish team. They decided since I was the only one not of spanish decent to give me a nickname- paco. If anyone would be interested in seeing our first game it is saturday night 7 pm at the Highland Babe Ruth field. (94 west to Kennedy ave, kennedy south to the bowling alley take a left, at the first stop sign take a left and the field is behind the softball fields). If nothing else I got a pretty sweet jersey out of the deal. I am the starting pitcher so get there early it could be a short night.
I get to pitch in my first game this Saturday night against the league champion from last year. I have started to gel with my all spanish team. They decided since I was the only one not of spanish decent to give me a nickname- paco. If anyone would be interested in seeing our first game it is saturday night 7 pm at the Highland Babe Ruth field. (94 west to Kennedy ave, kennedy south to the bowling alley take a left, at the first stop sign take a left and the field is behind the softball fields). If nothing else I got a pretty sweet jersey out of the deal. I am the starting pitcher so get there early it could be a short night.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Long live the amish
I want to share about my kids and about a crazy Prison experience
My Kids-
My kids crack me up on a regular basis. This week my kids were waiting for Jill to come home and they were getting antsy. I was just messing with them so I asked "What does mommy look like? Maybe she is already here." Ellyse (my daughter) looks at me and says "Mommy looks like us except with Annie hair." (She is a big fan of the Annie movie)
The other night after being in bed for about an hour Ayden (my youngest son) comes down stairs sleepily and asks "Is it morning yet?"
How can one not have humor when you have kids in your life.
My strange/bizzare prison experience-
I had an opportunity to help in Prison this week with a group called Christmas behind bars and their ministry was to give inmates food and gifts. The group who I helped out with was a very diverse group. Amoung the group was some sort of televangelist, his television crew, and disciples. Then there was also an Amish group. The goal as I understood them were the was to give the inmates these gifts in the shortest amount of time possible. They were told they were not to preach at them or spend time in long indepth conversations because of time constraints. The first cell house we go in the televangelist gets at the bottom of the tiers and starts preaching, ranting, and raving. His television crew was there to video tape his every word and step. While he was doing his self promotion. The amish were carrying large bags of food up the tiers of prisoners in 90 degree heat. It was just a strange situation passing out food in a max security prison with a bunch of amish.
There were a couple of other moments that really stuck in my mind from that day: One was- the televangelist was walking through the prison and the television crew was riding in laundry carts with a foam/fluffy microphone over his head and his followers were affirming his every word as he was ranting about all the problems with society. Seeing the way he totally disrespected the whole prison system, the guards, and the chaplains really rubbed me the wrong way.
The there was the amish who didn't say much but were willing to do whatever it took to make sure the job was done. They were a joy to work with and watch work. We were pushing laundry carts full of food to one of the cell houses and I was pushing one cart and this amish chap named Jonny was pushing another. I realized half way to the destination that he was racing me. So of course I tried speeding up. (What chance does a middle age fat man have against anyone who is of the amish work ethic). After Jonny passed me he looks over and says "that is what I call road rage." I never thought I would ever hear an Amish use the word road rage.
It will be interesting to see what kind of impact this group had on both the prisoners and the prison system (guards, administration etc.) I was impacted by both the televangelist and the amish, and there was one that I would love to be like and there was one that totally disgusted me.
My Kids-
My kids crack me up on a regular basis. This week my kids were waiting for Jill to come home and they were getting antsy. I was just messing with them so I asked "What does mommy look like? Maybe she is already here." Ellyse (my daughter) looks at me and says "Mommy looks like us except with Annie hair." (She is a big fan of the Annie movie)
The other night after being in bed for about an hour Ayden (my youngest son) comes down stairs sleepily and asks "Is it morning yet?"
How can one not have humor when you have kids in your life.
My strange/bizzare prison experience-
I had an opportunity to help in Prison this week with a group called Christmas behind bars and their ministry was to give inmates food and gifts. The group who I helped out with was a very diverse group. Amoung the group was some sort of televangelist, his television crew, and disciples. Then there was also an Amish group. The goal as I understood them were the was to give the inmates these gifts in the shortest amount of time possible. They were told they were not to preach at them or spend time in long indepth conversations because of time constraints. The first cell house we go in the televangelist gets at the bottom of the tiers and starts preaching, ranting, and raving. His television crew was there to video tape his every word and step. While he was doing his self promotion. The amish were carrying large bags of food up the tiers of prisoners in 90 degree heat. It was just a strange situation passing out food in a max security prison with a bunch of amish.
There were a couple of other moments that really stuck in my mind from that day: One was- the televangelist was walking through the prison and the television crew was riding in laundry carts with a foam/fluffy microphone over his head and his followers were affirming his every word as he was ranting about all the problems with society. Seeing the way he totally disrespected the whole prison system, the guards, and the chaplains really rubbed me the wrong way.
The there was the amish who didn't say much but were willing to do whatever it took to make sure the job was done. They were a joy to work with and watch work. We were pushing laundry carts full of food to one of the cell houses and I was pushing one cart and this amish chap named Jonny was pushing another. I realized half way to the destination that he was racing me. So of course I tried speeding up. (What chance does a middle age fat man have against anyone who is of the amish work ethic). After Jonny passed me he looks over and says "that is what I call road rage." I never thought I would ever hear an Amish use the word road rage.
It will be interesting to see what kind of impact this group had on both the prisoners and the prison system (guards, administration etc.) I was impacted by both the televangelist and the amish, and there was one that I would love to be like and there was one that totally disgusted me.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Back to prison
I went back to prison yesterday for the first time since I finished my purpose driven life class. I was able to go into the cell house and see where all the guys from my class lived. The cell house was a dorm type setting but it looked a lot different than I would have thought. Each of the men's cubes resembled a restraunt booth. With the middle being a bed. There are a couple of opportunities that I am going to be able to do. The first is on June 7th I am going to be able to go through the prison with a mennonite group and help distribute food to each prisoner. Then, later this summer I am starting a mentoring small group with 6 inmates. This mentoring group is an experiment, they know at this point they aren't going to have enough mentors for each inmate but they are going to try three small groups of mentoring.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Weekly Update
Random Weekly thoughts
An Update from my previous blog. When visiting the doctor last week, his advice was to have Kyle start taking deflasicort. (sp). The problem this steriod isn't fda approved. The doctors words were if this was my son this is the treatment I would give him. It is available in Canada. If I am arrested for trafficing drugs it will be for my son.
Last week I was having one of those random conversations with God. Ok it was more of my attempted deal making. Then I realized it is hard to bargin with God. Honestly, I have nothing to work with. It isn't like I have or can do anything He really needs. I am such a control freak that I hate the fact that I am going along for this ride and have no idea where I am going. What I would really love is an answer to the question of what do you do? All the answers I come up with are really lame.
At least my pitching experience was better. It is official I am the only white fellow on my team. I was told at the last preseason game that I am going to start our first teams game. Which is Saturday night June 16th (unsure if that is the date, I just know it is saturday night before fathers day). I struck out 2 last sunday and no one hit the ball out of the infield.
An Update from my previous blog. When visiting the doctor last week, his advice was to have Kyle start taking deflasicort. (sp). The problem this steriod isn't fda approved. The doctors words were if this was my son this is the treatment I would give him. It is available in Canada. If I am arrested for trafficing drugs it will be for my son.
Last week I was having one of those random conversations with God. Ok it was more of my attempted deal making. Then I realized it is hard to bargin with God. Honestly, I have nothing to work with. It isn't like I have or can do anything He really needs. I am such a control freak that I hate the fact that I am going along for this ride and have no idea where I am going. What I would really love is an answer to the question of what do you do? All the answers I come up with are really lame.
At least my pitching experience was better. It is official I am the only white fellow on my team. I was told at the last preseason game that I am going to start our first teams game. Which is Saturday night June 16th (unsure if that is the date, I just know it is saturday night before fathers day). I struck out 2 last sunday and no one hit the ball out of the infield.
Monday, May 7, 2007
Tomorrow is decision day
Tomorrow a decision has to come about something that I have dreading for the past 4 years. Kyle has a doctors appointment in Chicago, he has one every 6 months to a year to see how his muscular dystrophy is progressing. We will have to make a decision tomorrow if we are going to start steriod treatment. The reason we would want to start steriods is to keep the remaining muscles he has strong. We have started to see some strength deteroriation with Kyle over the past months. He has fallen more and he doesn't quite have the strength at the end of the day. Best case scenerio is the steriods help for about 6 years. The problem is there are many side effects that aren't to great. The is weight gain, mood changes, and many other possible problems with all sorts of other things.
This is one of the days that I have been dreading since he was diagnosed with md.
This is one of the days that I have been dreading since he was diagnosed with md.
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