LIFE IN BEN'S WORLD

Fathers of Hope

2011-08-05T21:07:00.001-07:00

With so much going on in our lives dealing with Kyle and being parents of a special needs child. I have been blogging on www.fathersofhope.blogspot.com
Ben

Not what you had planned

2011-07-12T11:14:00.000-07:00

I remember the day well, it was the beginning of September and excitement was in the air. Ministry was about to start, I had finished college and had been preparing for this moment. The church was excited and had given us a great house. Jill and I were about to embark on the life of ministry we had been expecting. Throughout the next few years we were living the dream of being in full time ministry. We had kids over to the house, we did missions trips, music festivals, and had all sorts of adventures. It wasn't exactly how we had envisioned it but it was great. We were going to live the Christian American Dream. After about 5 years in youth ministry we recieved the news about Kyle.

Life didn't change overnight and not even in the few years after his diagnosis but it was going to change. The dream of having a fairly routine family, working in the church, and dedicating our lives to ministry was not going to be for us.

I recently heard someone say "the ministry God has for you, is not what you had planned." This pastor said this in reference to a man who was planning on being a pastor until one of his sons was found to have severe special needs and that wasn't going to possible.

The journey that we have had is not what we had planned, and even less normal over the last couple of years. We tried many years to be as normal as possible, with so much frustration. As I was sharing stories with another dad of a special needs child recently we were recounting how the amount of invitations from others began to dry up. Between the physical limitations on Kyle and the mental capacity of doing unexpected things that dinner parties and gatherings would leave me mentally and physically exhausted and wondering why we even tried.

I don't know if I will ever work full time again, I would really love to have some sort of career and have the ability to provide, but who knows. I would be lying if I said I have reached the point of contentment with this idea of working part time.

Even in the midst of this we still believe that God has a purpose and ministry for Him. It is hard to give up on dreams of living like "normal" families, it is hard to see others succeeding in ways that we wish we could have.

My patience level currently is very low due to frustrations I have with all of the above. I believe God has something for us, and it maybe what we are doing right now, (but probably less than what we are doing).

The level of care, commitment, physical energy, and emotional fortitude take its toll. I wish I could spend this much energy on other thing to serve God, but serving God and my family is just as valid as doing "bigger things." God has those tasks for others and daily I work on trusting God to know what He is doing, because this life is not what I had planned at all.

God Showed Up

2011-07-11T09:11:00.000-07:00

Where is God when_______? A common question when pain and suffering does not make logical sense. What about the flip side of the question? What happens when God does show up in a situation that is difficult, painful, or even devastating?

Hindsight is very easy and when at the end of a difficult process we can look back and see the way God appeared. An example of this would be the story of Joseph, the story is a classic story of pain and suffering and then at the end God works it out. During the story it was hopeless and tragic and didn’t have much hope through it.
During the journey of pain it is difficult to see God in the midst of it.

It is very easy to focus on just survival. Jill and I have felt much like that throughout our journey with Kyle.

We have survived, some days better than others. We have gotten small reminders throughout the journey of God’s faithfulness but never in a tangible way until recently.

This adventure with the triathlon has been quite a journey for us. It has been exciting, it has been an encouragement, it has been a way for us to get a little of our story to others. But beyond all of those great things something small but significant to us happened. God showed up. Now how do I know this?

Kyle and Paul had a “photo shoot” for the Post Trib. The photographer took many shots at various times throughout the hour he was there. There were poses and action shots. We had no idea what shot would be used. The following Saturday I received a text- Kyle and Paul are on the front page of the paper. Excited I quickly drove to the grocery store and bought several papers.

When Jill and I got home and began looking and reading the article, a lime green bracelet Kyle was wearing was very visible on the front page of the paper. On this green bracelet only one word could be read and it was legible. It said God.

To think that God doesn’t show up in the most unlikely places is wrong. To see God show up on a little special needs child’s bracelet on the front page of a newspaper is something that we couldn’t have orchestrated or even have thought to do. But yet to us this was a tangible reminder that God is with us through this, and God’s glory is going to be shown through Kyle’s life.

Jill and I have prayed John 9:3 “That God’s work would be displayed through his life” for Kyle and this one small little glimpse has been confirmation that he is.
Here is a link to the article and picture

http://posttrib.suntimes.com/news/davich/6013400-452/jerry-davich-valpo-man-competing-to-raise-money-for-boy.html

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

2011-06-29T08:33:00.001-07:00

As I dared brave the world with three children by myself yesterday we ended up going to see Cars 2. After loading up on popcorn and candy and praying no one had to go to the bathrooom during the movie, we had a great time watching the movie. In the midst of the movie there was a couple of scenes about the scraps and scratches on the cars. In one scene Mater is asked to remove his scratches and dings, but he refuses because of the memories that came from those scratches.

What does being perfect look like? How much of our life revolves risk aversion and worrying about covering up all the scratches and dents of our own imperfections?

Psalm 139:14 "I will praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.Your works are wonderful. I know that full well."

As I continue to reflect on our week at Joni and Friends camp, that concept of being fearfully and wonderfully made seems to not apply to most of the people we met. As special needs families we live in the land of misfit toys. The scrapes and scares are much tougher to cover than that of "ordinary" people. The filters and the social norms that society as a whole lives by does not apply here.

In one of the sessions a pastor from Chicago shared with us his journey. he has a daughter who has numerous issues including cerebal palsy. The pastor shared how he was praying one day about his daughter about how he would love God to heal her. The response he felt that God told him was "I made her perfect, you are the one who has an issue with her."

Does God really make people that are not even close to perfect by our standards? In Exodus Moses is making excuses why he can't serve God due to his inadaquacies. God's response is in Exodus 4:11 "The Lord said to him, "who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord?

Another comment that was made during the week was "is the church (kingdom of God) complete if there aren't special need people? Not just being on the sideline but being an intrical part of what God is doing.

The singing while at camp may have been the worse I have ever heard from a personal standard. Kyle covered his ears numerous times say "this is horrible." But the heart that was singing those songs was as sincere and full of faith and hope in the words as I have ever seen.

One moment that will last in mind was a twenty something young man who was in an electric wheelchair, could hardly speak, and was in pretty rough shape. The last night there was a talent show, he got up and sang/hoarse whispered "It is well with my soul." I think he really believed it.

In John 9 the disciples and Jesus see a man born blind sitting on the side of the road and the disciples ask why? Jesus answer in verse 3 "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, said Jesus "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."

We saw that display last week. People were given a chance to be the people God had made them to be. As many of the families were leaving, there was tears and crying. In general it was because of fears of going back to a world that is so difficult for them. They wanted to stay in an enviornment where they were seen through the eyes of someone who had created them fearfully and wonderfully made.

My guess is heaven is going to look a whole lot more like that week than many other things I imagined or envisioned.

They Didn't Leave

2011-06-27T08:27:00.000-07:00

Life changes in a split second. The words are from a doctor and the news isn’t good, your child has _______. The diagnosis’ are all different but the results are the same the diseases are going to alter life as usual. In some cases the doctors don’t know specifically what a child has but there is enough evidence to know that life will not be as one envisioned.

In most cases like this men bolt. The fathers who had dreamt of playing sports with their kids, being proud of them for stellar achievements, giving their daughters away for marriage have all been crushed. When a special needs child comes into a family, men leave at an alarming rate- over 80% of the time.

I had the privilege last week to meet some men who didn’t leave. They have stayed despite the unmet expectations of life, they are not going to kids sporting events but rather they are changing their diapers. They have given up their own hopes and dreams to sit by hospital beds for days and months at a time.

These men come from all walks of life, engineers, accountants, ministry, banking industry, self-employed and many other occupations. These men are tough, yet tender, humorous, yet serious, boundless energy, yet a common tiredness.

But don’t feel sorry for these men, they have chosen to stay. They have defied the odds and have stayed with their families. They have seen and experienced precious moments of life that many of us have missed. There are small joys and unexpected happiness of raising a special needs child.

Curiosity and wonder is seen in the eyes and verbal sounds coming from these children. These fathers have patience that is seen in very few. In “normal” society there are some very uncomfortable moments and moments that defy logical happiness or fulfillment. Yet these men tirelessly serve and do what is needed to serve their children. The communication that happens between the fathers and their children is instinctual and can only be known from hours of being and spending time with one’s child.

Fear comes in a different form to these fathers. What happens if my child outlives me? Who is going to care for them? Who is going to protect and love them? The love of a father is precious and seen in so few fathers of special needs children.

This love that I saw from these dads this week was reminiscent of Jesus. A selfless love that is full of patience, kindness, and self-control. It was an honor and a privilege to observe these men in action.

Thank you- Russ, Mike, Frank, Chinglieng, John, and many others for being the dads that model Jesus not only to your kids, but to everyone who comes in contact with you.

What the Blackbird Network could be

2011-02-24T12:54:00.000-08:00

Following Jesus is a simple yet difficult proposition. He raised the bar in different ways to many of those who wanted to follow Him. Pick up your cross, don’t even say goodbye to your loved ones, sell all you have etc, etc.
How is following Jesus challenging us personally? What is he asking us to put down and follow Him? How are we resisting? How are we trying to keep one foot in the door of comfort, stability, and “normalcy?”
In my mind Blackbird is nothing more than a group of people wanting to follow Jesus, those of us who currently gather may possibly be a little further along in the journey than others we are discipling.
In that context how are we encouraging, discipling, offering community, resource, and support to fellow Jesus followers?
Is our Blackbird group a rest stop on the journey we all go through during the week? Is this a cold glass of water to replenish us as we are involved in the dirty and difficult work of the Great Commission?
How easy is it for each of us to become discouraged, overwhelmed with life, tempted by giving it up to follow the American dream? It is easy for me to want to give up. I need this group for the inspiration that comes each week as I know there are others out there living for Jesus also. When we want to give up we know that we are not alone. We know that the kingdom of darkness is being attacked.
Blackbird whether it is in Valpo or wherever is attacking, it is a movement of people going after that which was lost. We have left the 99 sheep and are going after the 1.
But with this mindset and mentality we are going to be wounded and hurt along the way. There are going to be those with battle scars, and those who abandon the faith
But we press on, not giving up, and not giving in.
We continue to find others who are on the front lines, we continue to develop oasis’ whether these be locally or globally.
We continue to be a place of temporary safety, comfort, and replenishing of mind and spirit. Always with the thought of not staying in this safe place but moving back into our roles in the Kingdom of God.
We don’t create programs, tasks, or roles for us rather we help them listen to the Spirit and allow the Spirit to lead and guide us into the niche the Spirit have for them.
We do all this with a spirit of humility not valuing any of the gifts, talents, or roles given to us by God as greater or less than anyone elses.

Giving away your network

2011-02-23T14:48:00.000-08:00

In a book that greatly influenced me "Love is the Killer app" by Tim Sanders talked quite a bit about sharing.

Jesus spoke of sharing quite a bit also saying things like "if you have two coats give one to the poor" (Luke 3:11). It is easy to quantify giving away money or material items but what about intangible things like a network of people?

Being a networker by nature- I realize how much work and time goes into connecting with people. How much time goes into lunches, coffee, emails, phone calls, and the personal investment put into each relationship. Each relationship is something that is built on trust. I was in meeting a few months ago and the guy I was meeting with said something to the effect of "I want to meet more of your friends because nice guys usually don't introduce me to jerks."

A network of influence can take quite a bit of time building up, but very easily can be ruined in an instant. So it something many hold close to the vest and don't want to share it with others.

A persons network can help find one better jobs, greater opportunities, better board members for non-profits,more chance of success with ideas, or success in fund raising to name a few.

So it is understandable why so many do not share this relationships with others.

Why should I share my network? For me my network belongs to God just as any tangible item does. I feel that I am to be generous with my other items, why would this be any different?

What does sharing look like? Every day we have opportunities to help others by giving names, email address, or numbers of those who could of help. If we know of a car mechanic that does great work for cheap- why wouldn't we share? Because if they are busy working on another car we won't be able to have ours worked on, or if they get to busy they will start charging more, or stop doing my car for a cheaper price.
All of those answers have me as the focal point, and it has a mentality of "scarcity" as Tim Sanders put it. Scarcity is the worry that there won't be enough for me. There will be a shortage, or I will lose out. That could be the same mentality for a donor, a great volunteer, or a great friend- what happens if they like the new thing better and leave me?

There are so many opportunities to get burned with this philosophy. There are so many chances that we will lose what we believe we deserve. There will be those situations were that does happen. But just because we got burned does that still mean that we don't do it?

I really wish my faith was based on Karma- I could say that as we share than others will share with us and it comes back bigger and better than what we first had. Could that happen? Sure Could we be worse off because we shared? That is also a distinct possibility. It is very difficult in my life to do right even if it is going to effect me badly.

But having a generous and giving heart needs to be part of my whole life including this area that could lead to difficulty.

Taking off a mask

2011-02-17T14:31:00.001-08:00

"I didn't want to tell you all because people would make fun of me." Were the words from the young 20 something in my prison class this morning.

In talking about hopes, dreams, and goals there were things shared that came through masks that had been put on many years before. In many of these young men's lives a chance to share a different future is not something easily shared.

One young man said "I loved animals but once I recieved my first felony my dream of being a vet was gone." I learn more from young African American males in prison than from anyone else I spend time with currently.

I wonder if I was brought up in the scenerios they were how would I have turned out? How can I help those that are going down the same path?

In a book I am currently reading The New Jim Crow Mass Incarcaration in an age of colorblindess the statistics are stagering for how many african american males have a felony. "The US imprisons a larger percentage of its black population than South Africa did at the height of Apartheid. In Washington DC it estimated 3 out of every 4young black men can expect to serve time in prison."

Withese statistics it is not suprising that many of these young men have a hard time sharing hopes, dreams, that do not involve a life of crime and/or violence. There aren't that many role models for a different path or a different way of life.

But when the masks come of it is amazing, it is a priviledge for these young men to share the person that God created them to be. It is inspiring to hear the stories of hope, naivity, and innoncence as the dream for different tomorrow.

I don't know if it will happen but for that brief moment in a concrete building surrounded by despair both physically and emotionally beauty creaps out.

After the words "everyone will make fun of me... the next words is want to write plays and movies. I already have begun to write. This comes from a late 20 something who escaped his house due to an abusive father and lived on the streets. Immediately there was silence as the guys looked at each other. You write plays they inquired. Yes and don't ask me about it again was his response. "I may joke, keep things light, or not take things seriously but deep down I am hurting."

There was a sense of relief that came from him as he said this. I wondered when the last time if ever he took of the mask? "I want to help out teenagers also, because my life was so horrible." Those were his hopes and dreams.

I don't feel like I do anything for the guys when I go into prison. They do so much for me, they help me see life through a different lense. A lense that sees the inequalities of our country. I don't feel sorry for them, I don't feel they are less of people but yet I feel that they may not have gotten the chances I or many others have gotten.

I believe we only can change this problem when we see and understand those young men who have the courage to take the mask off in front of us.

Road trip-microcosm of life

2011-02-15T04:57:00.000-08:00

It had been a while since I got into a vehicle with a group of friends and went on a road trip.

The destination is secondary to the journey, the people that are met outside of the cluster of people that are traveling together are also secondary.

Experiencing all of this together is what the road trip is about. The shared memories, experiences, and conversation last lifetimes.

There was the time my car broke down outside a bar in St Louis on a road trip to St Louis. The four of us who were together experienced friendly bar patrons fiddle with the inner workings of motor with their hands, a golf club, and a hash pipe. Those memories will never be forgotten by the those of us who traveled together.

There was the time when a group of us went to a Red Sox playoff game in Cleveland and were taunted, threatened, and had chest hair thrown at us. We will never forget those mental pictures.

But aside from those times the memories that will last were the wisdom, and conversation that occurred in the cars, vans, and trucks.

My first admission is in my earlier years a road trip was not to be enjoyed but a neccesary evil in going from point a to b. One of the favorite stories my wife tells of our annual trips to Vermont is being 7 months pregnant and the driver (me) only stopping twice in 13 hours for bathroom breaks. Moments like these show that the journey was not being enjoyed (understatement) but endured.

When moments on the journey are enjoyed personalities are unveiled, songs are sung, sayings are entrenched in our minds, and ideas blossom.

One of the saying that is etched in my mind from childhood was my sister complaining of riding in our ford fairmount from Vermont to Florida on the "hump" of the backseat.

A group of us traveled recently a couple of hours and the synergy that took place was remarkable. In between cell phone rings, and text messages conversation took place that brought this group both together and pushed conversations to places they had never gone before. This may be due to the fact that we knew we were going to be together all day with no other place to go and we allowed conversations to meander to places that wouldn't happen in a defined time and space.

Of course not all conversation and ideas are not worthy of ever repeating again. I have been asked questions and subjected to ideas that are ridiculous to say the least. One question asked on a recent road trip was "what if we knew what it felt like to be baby in the womb and then to experience childbirth?" That conversation doesn't normally happen within the context of normal conversation, possibly when someone is drunk but people don't generally allow themselves to be vulnerable in this way. The best answer was "see Looks who is Talking 1 & 2."

One other aspect is the social experiences that have occured during a road trip. When energy drinks first came out I was taking a group of teenagers to Denver Co some 20 hours away and a rather energetic jr high boy had a goal to see how many he could drink. After a few he was out of control and he was banned for those for the rest of the trip. Or the boy who wanted to see how many times he could lightly bang his head against the side of the window. At first it seemed harmless then after an hour it turned into chinese water torture.

Songs have been written, romances blossomed, and friendships forged all while riding together. I have laughed, cried, become very angry, and ever other possible emotion all while sitting behind the wheel of a vehicle and I wouldn't change any of it.

I hope this sparks memories that you have of road trip experiences you have had. Please feel free to share them.

What makes you happy?

2011-02-14T14:32:00.001-08:00

As Jill and Ellyse were reading Green Eggs and Ham, Kyle was laying on his bed. The tv was off and he was pretty bored looking at his sleepy dwarf and a smurf. Kyle recieved the dwarf the day of his surgery and has found a new friend in the little stuffed animal with the jowels and the big nose.

Kyle smiled as I walked into the room. He was excited because he had gotten a new frame for his bed (thanks AJ's). Kyle usually states the obvious so he told me "Ellyse is reading a book to mommy." He looked away and I asked him what the matter was? He told me "nothing." I asked if he was sad, he responded with "no." I asked him what makes him happy, he again looked away and stuck his front teeth out. he said "this makes me happy." I said what sticking out your teeth? He laughed with his giddy, it is past my bedtime laugh. I asked being with Mommy and Daddy, Ellyse and Ayden- does that make you happy? He said "yes" very quickly.

Kyle is easy to make happy, which is strange because he has every reason not to be happy. He walks like he has a peg leg, he spends way to much time in doctors offices, hospitals, and a wheelchair. Yet he loves life, and it is contagious. He makes me laugh on a regular basis, he is angry when he has to shower, and is very opinionated about what is on the tv. He gives me advice on my facial hair, the cleanliness of my clothes, and if my "voice stinks" (ie haven't brushed my teeth). But other than those small inconviences he loves life- he enjoys eating, and soon after surgery on Wednesday he was at Mcdonalds eating nuggets.

Kyle's ideal day involves wearing pj's all day, playing with toys, and sharing it with tigger and his family. Ok seriously why don't I embrace life like this?

On a daily basis Kyle helps me keep life in perspective. Do the things I get stressed at really matter? Usually not.

As I layed by Kyle tonight laughing I realized that because of Kyle's disease it has slowed down life and put everything in perspective.

And yes I can say it makes me happy when Kyle sticks out his front teeth also.

.

Thoughts from The Aspen Group Luncheon- Alan Hirsch and Lance Ford

2011-02-14T14:07:00.000-08:00

It was great to spend some time listening and conversing with Hirsch and Lance Ford on Friday. It was interesting to hear questions and see others all over the spectrum on their faith journies.

A couple of comments stood out to me.

The first was a comment I think Mark Willis made- it was in the context of worship and when multiple micro groups come together and different people lead the "worship aspect" Mark said something to the effect "we probably won't enjoy all the different expressions of worship." That was so refreshing and important to hear. In the context of diversity how do we have multiple expressions of people using their gifts to honor God in the form of worship? How easy is it for us to stay in our homogenus groups with all those that look, sound, and worship God like us?

I think it was Hirsch that said it " we want to have churches of the poor not churches for the poor." How do we help facilitate not administer, run, or manage other expressions of what God is doing in certain areas? The bottom line is it so easy to make everything like we like it or what we are comfortable with or what makes us smile.

$88 Billion dollars (something like that number) have been spent on church buildings in the last 10-15 years in America and what have been the results? What a stagering thought.

Someone asked the question where does change start, how can I get "my church" to begin living missionally and making disciples? There were two great answers one was from guys sitting at our table. Their answer was you have to change, and start modeling what you want others to do. It is so easy to be the one on the sideline yelling,coaching, and instructing others what to do but without having any "skin in the game." But as I thought of this and Hirsch talked about the incarnation of Jesus, this isn't the model Jesus showed us. By God sending Jesus in human form he sent the example not of the coach, consultant, book writer but active participant. It is easy to wish for a different model but how are we modeling to others the great commission?

The second answer Hirsch gave was telling a new story. What is the new story of normality? What is normality in our churches now? Is it being a disciple who intentionally disciples others and purposefully engages those that don't know Jesus or is it something different? If it is something different how do we help tell the stories so others will begin seeing that this is what Jesus called us to.

Tension- The Spiritualist and the Strategist

2011-02-14T14:06:00.000-08:00

My mind was blasted this week from so many different conversations dealing with God, church, mission, and discipleship.

Tension is a great thing in dealing with all of these conversations.

A couple of weeks ago I was in a lecture with T.J. Addington and one of the tensions he talked about in the Christian realm was the spiritualist and the strategist. The spiritualist high points are listening to God, patience, disernment, wisdom, and thinking before acting. The strategist high points is acting on what God has said in the Bible, planning on how to incorporate what God has said, and doing it.

I had never heard anything like that said before, and it makes sense as I look at people on the polar extremes of this continuum. The easy answer is there are examples of both in the Bible, and there are those that fall all along the line of the extremes. But how are both ends used together to expand God's kingdom?

Jericho and Joshua is an example how both of these work together the spiritualists role was the seven priests who carried the rams horns and the obedience and the patience to march around the city seven times. I can only imagine those who were more on the strategic side thinking this isn't going to work. But Joshua obeyed and when they blew their horns and shouted the walls came down and the Isrealites strategically advanced. It was both working in concert with each other.

It is so easy to think either or in terms of spirituality or strategic thinking. But using Jericho as an example God works through both.

The great commission is generally clear, this is what we are to be doing while we are here on earth, but specifically we get hung up on it because we don't know specifically what our role is in that. The spiritual would advise pray and wait until God says specifically what you need to do. The strategics answer would be God has told you what to do lets go break down some walls. Neither of those answers are sufficient in themselves. it is easy to not do anything for some and it is very easy for the others to be busy for the sake of being busy but how do we work through both sides to find a more complete answer?

I am in awe of the concept of the body of Christ. It is so comforting to know that we are to work together in building the kingdom of God both in our context and through out the world.

The hard part for us as humans is valuing those gifts and personalities that are unlike us. The strategist needs the spiritualist and vice versa. We can see this throughout scripture and the answer isn't to change the other to be like my personal preference but rather how do we all work together? How do we become unified on what Jesus commanded us to be? How do we use the example of Jericho and send the worshippers and prayer first, but not end there? How do we hold back those looking to destroy everything in their path and wait for the worshippers and prayer?

Beautiful

2011-02-05T05:12:00.000-08:00

When my sister was little she would sing a song:

Beautiful, beautiful

Jesus is beautiful

And Jesus makes beautiful

Things of my life.

Carefully touching me

Causing my eyes to see

And Jesus makes beautiful

Things of my life.

Those words came to mind yesterday after talking with Charlie. I wasn't suppose to have a personal conversation with Charlie. I actually wasn't even suppose to leave my house. As I left for my prison class yesterday morning, I got stuck in the snow in my subdivision. After twenty minutes of pushing and pulling my car was freed and I was on my way. When I arrived at the prison there was a miscommunication and all the guys in my class were told that they could go to "rec" because it was canceled. There were only two guys that would be available to come. I was asked if I wanted to do the class with only two people. Sure why not I am here.

So my class consisted of Chris and Charlie. Chris is a rather quite fellow who I didn't know well. Charlie I have had in five classes now and have spent considerable time with. I have written about Charlie in the past. He has become a friend and an inspiration to me. When I first met him he told me there is one thing I can do "I cook meth and I damn good at it."

Well I have found that isn't true Charlie is good at many things. During a field day Charlie led bingo and he earned a nickname from Jon and I. The nickname was "coach." He acted and looked the part of a coach that field day. Charlie was living out the life that he had missed out for so many years.

Charlie told me yesterday he started using drugs when he was 9 some 40 years ago. His life was incomplete and he turned to drugs to deal with pain. Drugs had been a part of his life ever since. He had tried to live a double life and had been successful to some degree but he had always fought with this addiction. The addiction had affected his family in many negative ways.

He had been in and out of prisons for some time, but this time had been different. He shared yesterday that if they tested me now for drugs I would be clean. I haven't been able to say that for quite some time.

Then came the line "I wish my family could the see the person I have become." Charlie is new creation, not only has he developed many new habits, and become disciplined. He has become a follower of Jesus. He is studying the words of Jesus, he is using the gift and passion God has given him. Charlie is a natural counselor and encourager. Charlie is one of the people I thought of when I wanted to quit last year when I ran my 5 mile race. (not long for some, almost killed me).

What a priviledge I have had with my friendship with Charlie. I have seen the person that God has created him to be. All the years of drugs had hidden that person.

What will happen when Charlie gets out? Who knows, he could go back to drugs, but I am not thinking about that. I am thinking about the person Charlie is today. The influence and encouragement he has on the 30+ guys in his unit. The wisdom and bluntness that comes from his mouth.

His family is staying away from Charlie right now, it is somewhat due to fear of what they are doing and who Charlie is becoming.

As I drove home yesterday those words of the song ran through my head. Jesus is doing beautiful things in Charlie.

Glimpses into spiritual growth

2011-01-20T14:37:00.001-08:00

I am unsure sometimes what I am looking for when I am "discipling" someone. So many of the factors and spiritual growth indicators are so subjective. How can we tell if someone is becoming more Christlike? How do we know if they are becoming more patient, kind, merciful, long suffering, loving?

This is not a formula but I believe I recieved a small glimpse into a couple of people I have been "discipling".

Both messages I recieved were short and small. The first was a text message. The message read "I will miss prison too." This message was a response to a 22 year old girl who has been going into prison with me for the past few months. She is a student at IU and had been going to the extention in Northwest Indiana for the past semester. She is a small petite cross country runner. The first time she visited she broke down and cried as she shared with those incarcerated the story of the death of her father. She shared about how she felt that her dad was still mad at her.
This young girl had no business in the maximum security prison. She is dating a criminal justice major, and her other hobbies include playing organ at a Catholic church, and visting operas for her major which is operetic singing.
She isn't someone who would visit prisoners.
Yet when she willingly went into the prison and started interacting with the inmates. So when they asked what had happened to her I shared how she went away for college, they responded- we will miss her. The text message was her response.
I don't specifically know what she will miss, but I am guessing it is the interactions, the relationships, the different way that they look at life. The lessons that she shared about her faith.
I know that prison impacted this girl more than I will ever know and it was summed up in one short text.

The second conversation took place this morning in a cell house. I was grading tests for an earlier class I taught when a man who I had in a previous class came in. He said "Ben can you read something I wrote. I want your opinion on it." Men in prison many times try to pitch ideas or something that will help them in the sight of the justice system so I was expecting one of those two scenerios on the paper in front me. No this was a letter. This was a letter addressed to a family, and it is started out with the words "I don't think you ever thought you would hear from me." It was a letter written to the family of the man he had killed. It was a letter written with humility, and strength that can only be found in his faith in Jesus.
After reading it I looked at him and said "are you ready for what may come of this?" He responded "yes, it is time. I have felt convicted for some time to write this, and I have spent the last few months writing this." "I am not expecting a miracle or even a happy outcome, but I will follow God's leading."

I don't exactly how to quantify a young college girl befriending and sharing her faith with men without hope, or a man who murdered another man and expressing remorse. I think I got to see today two small glimpses into people who are growing in their faith. I don't think either of these are prescriptive but rather outpourings of what is going on in the souls of these people.

Is Individualism the answer?

2010-12-29T05:06:00.000-08:00

It is normal for our society- but does that make it right?

How does the way I live look anything like the passage in Acts 2?

42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

I have wondered what that scenerio would look like in an American 21 century context? Is it fine if I justify my lifestyle? Can I live in my 3 bedroom house, 2 cars, 4 tvs, and a lawn mower and not share any of it? Almost every other American Christian I know lives the same way, but does this make it right or what should be the norm?

I walked into a house last week. there were 10 or more people under the age of 25 in the house. The house was sparce, there were about 5 kids under the age of 4 running around. The heat if on was turned way down. The living conditions were not great at all. As I talked with them and thought about their lives over the last week, I thought how can I encourage and help them to do better? How do I help them get jobs and escape this poverish way of living?

At least one of the young people in the above house had served time in jail. As I pondered last week about this, is it realistic or even plausable for all the people in this house to get jobs? One of the young ladies had 3 children and she was barely out of her teenage years.

As I realized that most of my advice and thoughts were on the individuals. If we can help one person in that family to escape the situation then maybe we have been successful.

But what if we begin to look at a situation like this not from a white american lense but from a Acts 2 lense.

Lets think creatively for a moment- what if the solution for this family and others is not to have them all go get jobs put children in day care and make as much money as possible but rather teach them how to be the Acts 2 church within their family unit. This family has 13 kids under the age of 25 and then they have 7-10 kids.

How do we help them be community (amoung their family) supportive, nurturing, up holding the teachings of scripture, and a beacon of light in their greater community?

As I thought through those things, I realized my life is not an example of anything sustainable. How can 13 people without much income eventually each buy a house for themselves and have two cars and live like the average Christian?

The way I live is not a great model for others trying to follow Jesus. My family unit lives independently from others, and even smaller I live independetly from them. 4 tvs? Why because I have a right to watch tv when I want and what I want. The debate in Christiandom about what to watch and not watch-is that even the right discussion? The question Jill and I have had recently is why do we watch tv at all? How does this bring our family closer together and to God? It doesn't if we are honest but it is going to so hard to quit it.

Two cars? Why because I have so much to do that is important? To some degree yes, but I don't drive it that much that it couldn't be shared by others. As I filled my tank last night for $3.24 a gallon the thought of sharing became more realistic. A 3 bedroom house? Of course we need our space.

Last week a group of us were talking about this and the conversation moved into how much room do we need just for our stuff? How many rooms aren't being used to house people but rather all the things that bring us happiness and pleasure? These concepts aren't too much fun to think about, because I am pretty content living my own life and don't want to complicate it with adding other people.

Oh yea lawn mower? I use it possibly once a week- why in the world do we all need one?

As I thought through this a mode began to emerge rather than using individualism as a goal why not not sharing as the end, I thought maybe there is hope for this family. If all of them can't get jobs why can't we help them plant a garden? Why can't we get them a lawn mower to share with their neighbors? Why can't we figure out creative ways of sharing resources?

These concepts of Acts 2 don't cross my mind too often because they are irrelevant to our culture. But does that make me right? I don't think so.

A group of people in northwest Indiana want to do this intentionally and live together. I was told a story about one of the couples, they have some pretty big debt due to college loans. They didn't want to burden the rest of the group with this debt. The rest of the group is thinking about it but it seems that they are going to be a part of this community now.

This is not the American way,this is not normal to pick up someone else's debt and take it as your own. But I am beginning to think this is what the community in Acts was all about. Until I understand this I am going to have a hard time giving others advice.

Sometimes I don't really want to think about what it means to be the church and live like Jesus, because it doesn't look a whole lot like the life I think I enjoy.

.

An example Kenny Lane

2010-12-27T05:51:00.001-08:00

As I heard of Kenny's passing last night. I couldn't help but smile- not because of the grief and pain his family will go through, not because of the loss that will be felt by those he cared for. The smile was for Kenny choosing to follow God, and why in the world did God use him so greatly?

As examples in my life go, Kenny wouldn't have seemed a likely candidate. As I remember him from my childhood I remember him looking menacing, tall, thin, and not exactly flowing with warmth. That was before I got to know him. I remember the time when he took his family and moved to Long Island to go to Bible School. Being in about sixth grade I thought it was a little strange for "older people" give up their lives to go to school. I remained close friends with their daughter (who was a day older than I) through their time at Christ for the Nations.

As I entered high school the Lane family came back to Brattleboro. My appreciation for Kenny bloomed from there.

Kenny invited me to go to New York City with New York City relief for a weekend when I was about 16. Never having experienced any multi cultured experience I was excited and scared to go with them. But then I thought if Kenny (who always seemed frail to me) can do it why can't I.

It was through going to Brooklyn and Bushwick park twice during my high school years and seeing the efffects of drugs, prostitution that greatly effected my views on life and God's love for humanity.

Even more than my experiences in New York, I saw Kenny doing something that was outside his comfort zone. He didn't look anything like the people we were serving. Yet I saw Kenny and Juanita hugging and befriending people that were nothing like them.

As I describe and think about the church I grew up in as a kid- I use the word serving (and now the buzzword missional) and immediately Kenny and Juanita come to mind as the examples I saw. Whether it was serving food in the church, delivering bread, helping people out with various other physical needs Kenny and Juanita were in the middle of that.

Kenny wasn't the stereotypical role model or example but seeing someone that gave up a normal life to follow God always amazes me and Kenny was one of the first people I ever saw do this.

Thank you Kenny for being an example of service and obedience.

.

At arms length

2010-12-27T05:49:00.001-08:00

Delivering turkeys, doing worship services in jail, and giving away coats are all great ministry opportunities. It is helpful to those we are serving, and giving to. In many ways this makes us feel good also because we can see smiles, and appreciation on the faces of those we are serving.

After we do these type of ministry activities we leave and go back to our normal lives. If we were to ever run into any of the people we have met we would be cordial at best. But most of this type of ministry is at arms length.

I don’t want to use guilt, Bible verses, or manipulation to say that doing just these type of things are bad or not helpful. It is extremely helpful, and there may be a word or a smile that may greatly impact a persons life.

But what happens when we extend our arms to others? Not out of guilt or obligation but out of love and mercy.

This is when life gets messy, crazy, out of control, and unbelievable.

I want to tell the story of 4 families that I and many others had the opportunity to befriend this week.

James and Ashley, Brian, Herb, and Thomas-

On Friday we delivered coats and we ran into an old friend James- James we had met last year and was quite the character. He is fluent in four forms of martial arts, a little bit of hot head, and about 22 years old. James has a girlfriend named Ashley- when they came up to get coats, I noticed Ashley was pregnant. She is due in the middle of January. They live with a couple of other people, and I am unsure what the living situation is but there is a mixture of hopelessness and excitement as they prepare for this new child. When asked if there was anyone taking care of them? Ashley’s response was “ no I don’t see my family too much anymore. “ She said in a sad yet realistic voice that they weren’t going to be throwing her a baby shower. She is on wick and has had others give her items like a crib.

We spent quite a bit of time talking to her and getting their info. Without over stepping our bounds, we are going to try and throw her a baby shower. They are open to a relationship with God. But they need to be taught and discipled.

Saturday we met a young twenty something named Brian. Brian was visiting his aunt in a neighborhood we were delivering coats in. Within the first five minutes of the conversation Brian shared how his mom had died of cancer a few years before and his younger brother had died in August after health problems. It was just him and his dad left. His dad had found a girlfriend and was spending a lot of time with her. Brian was lonely and didn’t have too many friends. Brian spent the rest of the afternoon with us. I sensed that this didn’t happen to often in Brian’s life- talking, joking, and being in community.

Herb is currently in jail. Last night in a worship service- he came up to me with tears in his eyes. This 25 year old has been in and out of jail for the past 10 years and is addicted to heroin. He told me had it, this was it. He had been clean for 23 days the longest since he was much younger. He had another 30 days and then he was so scared to get out. His wife was also getting clean. Herb was so honest and straight forward. He doesn’t know if he will make it or not. He knows he needs God’s help and he is willing to do whatever but he is also realistic in knowing he could fail.

These were all random people- people that I can choose never to think about again. I can pray and hope others will come into their lives and have community and disciple them.

Then there is Thomas. (this is Phil’s story but I am stealing it). Thomas became a follower of Jesus while in jail. Thomas is one of 12 or so children. A group of us had the privilege of delivering a turkey dinner to their family right before Thanksgiving. The family was thankful and we prayed with them. The day after we had delivered the Thanksgiving meal, Phil was able to bring Thomas home. Thomas was released from jail and spent Thanksgiving with his family. The story could be over here but Phil invited Thomas to a group that meets on Wednesdays. It is a quasi house church/small group/missional community. It contains people from various backgrounds and settings.

Thomas was with us for the first time on Wednesday and after sharing, prayer, and singing Phil disappeared into the kitchen and emerged with a small bowl and a towel. I had no idea what to expect and then Phil said “Thomas you didn’t have a chance to be baptized in jail, so can we baptize you now in the middle of my living room? Thomas said yes definitively. Phil proceeded to lay the towel on the floor and a group of us surrounded Thomas and dumped water over his head as he knelt down.

After baptizing him, we prayed over him and the culture he is going back into. Tears rolled down many faces as we experienced this together.

We (especially Phil) could have kept Thomas at arms length he could have just “ministered” to him in jail. But because he didn’t the rest of us had the privilege and opportunity to be part of Thomas baptism and his life.

Please don’t keep people at arms length. It will be hard, it will be messy, it will take sacrifice, but seeing God at work in peoples lives is worth it.

Advocate?

2010-12-27T05:45:00.000-08:00

It felt like a scene from Matlock. With beautiful candor and compossed passion the lawyer started his summation to the judge. "It just doesn't feel right, from the pit of my stomach this man should not spend any more time in prison." The lawyer went on for about 20 minutes portraying the injustice beng doled out to this man.

This man that functions at a 5-6 grade learning level, a man convicted of a sexual offense against a child many years before. He was sitting there shackeled in an orange jump suit listening intentally as the judge was about to deliver the verdict on the probation violations. He was 2 months away from successfully completing probation, but two minor infractions is what stood between him and 6 years of prison time.

As the moment stood still for a second while the judge pondered what to do, the other prisoners looked on in distain. Previously they had not known what this man had done, now that they knew he was a child molester the anger burned in their eyes. Later on they would threaten and tell him what was going to happen if he stayed in general prison population.

The verdict came- due to his missing a polygraph test, and going to a car wash he was going to have a 2 year sentence. Within the laws of Indiana he will be required to spend one year in prison with good behaivor. Since he had already served three months in the county jail he will be required to serve 9 months more.

As I questioned and wrestled through my thoughts yesterday- many different angles of this story played in my mind.

Half way through the lawyers summation he motioned to a few of us sitting in the court room. These people are this man's support system. "Ben Polhemus a pastor is willing to vouch for him."

In those brief seconds in the court room, I am being associated by name with a child molester. Here in front of people I was being identified as someone who is willing to stand up for him.

Is this how Peter felt when he was accused of knowing and following Jesus? For a brief second I wanted to leave the courtroom and say no I am a respectable person don't associate me with this man.

I have no idea who I am suppose to advocate for, or stand in the gap for on a regular basis but I do know I was to be there yesterday sitting in the courtroom for a man, most in society like the those other prisoners look on in distain.

I am not advocating what he did in his past.

As I was thinking about this yesterday the passage in Hebrews came to mind of Jesus sitting in God's presence advocating on our behalf. Even though He knows our hearts, our actions, and our motives he is advocating for us.

How easy it is for me to only want to advocate for those I know are going to be perfect in the future. How I am not willing to take the risk and want the sure thing. At the end of the day I want to be standing with the winners and not the losers.

It is hard to be like Jesus- when he was being accused of being friends of sinners. Could we be accused of that? Not a person that engages in that type of behaivor but rather someone that is with them.

I have been asked multiple times over the last month the same basic question- "hey you know poor people, is there anyone you know that I can help?

I take that as some sort of compliment, but it is a little frustrating, because we can all know people that are hurting and are poor in all different ways.

The question is who are we going to be accused of knowing?

Faith, Hope, and Materialism

2010-11-05T06:06:00.000-07:00

Percy- may be the most violent man I have ever met. He has committed multiple murders, he has taken revenge in ways that I couldn't even imagine. Yet something has changed in Percy. Percy is a soft spoken, kind, and a man that loves God.

Men who previously knew him can see a difference. Not long ago he was causing problems in the prison. He was acting much like he did on the outside. Then something changed. He started following Jesus.

It isn't an abnormal story for someone in prison. It isn't uncommon for someone who is at the end of their resources. Change is so much easier for someone in dire straits. Faith, hope, and prayer is something I have seen in abundance in those that are marginalized. Those that cant control their circumstances.

I am beginning to see why Jesus said it is tougher for a rich man to go through an eye of a needle than it is for him to go to heaven.

We can do this on our own- or so we think. Why do I need faith if I can provide for all my needs and wants.
Do I think that it is normal to have such wealth and spend it on myself? Is our American society conducive at all in to realize the need of Jesus? Many decry sexuality, music, and entertainment as the problem. The question I have is that the only problem?
I have begun to ask questions how does materialism effect my faith? This isn't a guilt or a have to thought but rather is comfort helping me follow Jesus?

I had an incredible discussion yesterday with some friends- does entertainment, sports, general materialism lead to happiness? Are enjoying these things helpful in my becoming like Jesus?

Does having the love of money mean that my faith is in myself and providing for myself? As always there is more questions than answers.
As I continue to see people that examplify faith and trust in God, it is people that are in rough situations. People that have had uncontrollable things happen and still love God.
My heart is beginning to break for those who have it all together, those who think they can do it by themselves.
Percy and others continue to teach me. He will be locked up for the rest of his life, (rightfully so) but that is not going to stop his desire for learning, and following Jesus, and my priviledge to watch and learn from him.

This probably wasn't a good idea

2010-07-21T09:02:00.000-07:00

"Ben I want to go to prison" were the words in the email. This was from a former youth group student of mine. This 22 year old female. Immediately I had my doubts and all the reasons why this wasn't a good idea, but I asked do you know what you are getting into? After a conversation and a tour of the prison she decided she wanted to go to a class with me.
So yesterday with my psuedo-intern John and Leah we went and taught in prison. I was wrestling with the responsibility and what was going to happen the night before. I was a little concerned never having taken a girl into this enviornment before.
This experience would be my most interesting time up to date. As I prepared them in the car ride over, we covered all the normal dos and donts that go along with visiting a max security prison. I had prepared the inmates the week before and was semi confident that I could trust them to be respectful.
As we settled into the class John so eloquently asked "So who in here is innocent?" I immediately cringed. I appriacted the tolernace the gentleman in the class had. They were patient with niavity and interesting questions. They joked, conversed, and had serious moments in the class. They were perfect gentleman until one asked Leah what her sign was. As the class came to a close and I started to relax a little, one of the guys asked Leah "How have you handled adversity in her life?" She began by sharing about her dad dying in the last year due to cancer. She then went on to share about the struggles she had with an emotionally abusive boyfriend and doing somethings that she wanted to save for marriage. During this time she broke down and started crying. John and I looked at each other not knowing what to do. One of the guys spoke up "hey why dont one of you two give her a hug since we aren't allowed to touch her."
"Another got some toilet paper and gave it to me to give to her to wipe away her tears."
As the tears stopped Leah went on and shared how due to her relationship with her boyfriend she had become depressed and had difficulty communicating with her dad before he died and how there were things she wanted to say and tell him all abot what happened.
I had no idea all that was in her, a few of the inmates reassured her that her dad loved her and was proud of her.
One of the older gentleman shared how his daughter had an abortion and done other things that he didn't agree with but he still loved her.
Leah ended the class by singing a song (she is an opera major in college).
I didn't know what to think, say, or do. This had changed course and the men in the class became compassionate, encouraging, and helpful. This wasn't at all what I expected.
As many other surreal moments this one ended with us shaking hands with all the guys and them giving inspirational words to Leah.
Not knowing exactly what these guys thought of the time, I asked one of the men about his thoughts in front of the head of the program. This white late twenties guy was pretty excited. He said "Leah's story changed my mind on my time here in prison. I was just passing time and waiting to get out and sell drugs again. Now after listening to her made me think of my daughter and thinking about my relationship with her."
Who knows if that will really change him or not. I would be more confident bringing in another female in again. There is always the possibility of something going wrong, but the way they resinated with her story and showed mercy and care moved me. One of the tough young guys, tatooed hardened commented as Leah was crying, it is ok we all cry from time to time.
Taking risks like this is hard, if it go wrong many people say I told you so (and deservedly so) but the experience John, Leah, and I experienced was priceless and seeing inmates as human beings is something I would want everyone to experience.

I'm a meth cook

2010-07-14T07:45:00.000-07:00

"I have only one skill, and I am damn good at it." Were the words of the inmates mouth. The 40 something scraggily hair, unkept clothing, and a traces of a goatee then went on to say- "the only thing I can do well is cook meth." "Last time I was out, I tried to stay clean. I got a job for $7 an hour and then some of my old buddies found me. They dropped the ingredients for meth on my table and said just make it this one time for us. We know how good you are and no one comes close to cooking it up like you. So I did it, and then they sold some of it. The other clients were hooked, they wanted more. My buddies came back to my house laid $3,000 on my table and said give us all you have. That lured me right back in."
He then asked "how can I stay away from this lure?"
He knows the consequences of what happens if he doesn't. He is going to be a fifty something when he is done serving his time in prison.
I am asked on a weekly basis - do these guys really want to change? When I looked in the mans eyes into his soul I could see the desire. But I wouldn't bet a huge amount of money that he will change. The lure is to great. He is not going to do anything better than a $7-$10 an hour job. His best skill is creating an illegal substace. How does that transfer into making his life better?

Doc piped up at this point in time in the class. "I was good at what I did also. I robbed banks. I was taught by a professional and that was my skill. But you know what else I am good at? We all looked and could only imagine what the next words would be. I am good at washing dishes. I don't care what I have to do I am not coming back to prison."

Change is so hard for all of us, but for people who have made a lifestyle of illegal activity it so difficult to change. I asked yesterday how many guys had held a legitimate job before? Almost all of them raised their hands. But selling drugs, pimping woman, robbing banks, doing who knows what else makes much more money than a legitimate job.

Sacrificing the temporal for long term is hard for most of us. Discipline and deciding to forgo the short term money for long term success is a hard decision for most of these incarcarated men.
Most of them will go back to what they were doing, even though many have found God in a meaningful way. The draw is too strong, the alternatives are much to hard.

I don't have a whole lot of solutions, there are things that would need to happen on a large scale level to change what happens in our inner cities and the culture that these men grow up in.
There would need to be changes in individual middle class lives and changes in our culture also.

I am beginning to see more and more patterns emerge from men I meet in prison. Choosing a path of crime is a normal occurance in their families and friends. For the most of us we don't know criminals, most of our family members go to college have jobs and live fairly normal. Doing illegal activity is not really an option that we entertain. We don't see this modeled.

Recently I observed a man running from the police and hiding in his home. His kids were there to see it. This now becomes an option for them, whether conciously or sub consciously running from the police is an ok act because my father figure did it.

I am naive and I continue to learn and see how people grew up differently than me and how it does effect there long term outlook on life.

At the end of class the meth cook with hope in his eyes asked me do you know people who could give me clothes, help me find a job, or feed me after I get out? I had to laugh because I wondered is this man asking me or is Jesus asking me.

Journeying together

2010-05-26T04:36:00.000-07:00

Guessing what was coming next I asked- did he get in trouble for graffiti? Those were not the right words to say as I listened to the reason his son had been sent to the youth detention center. I was not expecting what I heard next- "no it is very embarrassing my son was arrested for some inappropriate actions he had with his brother. " I wasn’t carrying on a conversation with someone that didn’t know God or was far from the church. Rather this was a close dear friend who loved God and did his best to bring up his children the same way.
I am at a loss- when I say and desire to be in people’s live do I really know what that means? Superficial relationships are easy, there is no dirtiness, no hurt, no pain. How many more people are dealing with deep issues but we aren’t there to listen? How many of the close people we go to church/small group with are dealing with life shattering issues? When we ask people how they are doing- what do we do when they respond honestly?
I am coming closer to believing that most people I come in contact with have serious issues. Maybe I am involved in abnormal people’s lives. I would say I am not scared when I hear situations like this but I am. I don’t know what to say to my friend. I don’t know what can be said that his family will never be the same. I am not even worried about saying words of wisdom but rather comments that are insensitive.
It is easy to not get involved in these type of situations. All we have to do is say pat simple answers, leave it in God’s hands and walk away. Of course God is in control and God is with them always. But does that mean that we get to walk away? Does that mean that they don’t need others on this horrible journey? Is that our job as Christians to fix things? If situations don’t change do we walk away?
I have way too many questions and not a lot of answers. This morning I saw how this walking together looks like. I was in Porter county jail doing baptisms for some recent converts of Jesus and one of the girls shared her story with us. She has pleaded guilty to a crime and she is looking at a 30-year prison sentence. The crime she plead guilty to was causing the death of her child. She is from Arkansas had only lived in Porter County for a month before becoming incarcerated. She has a fiancee (who she had moved up here to be with) is contemplating whether to stay with her or not. It seemed from our conversation that her relationship with family was not good. The hospital chaplain had done the funeral for her son that was the only "religious person" she knew in Indiana. No one was walking this journey with her.
Then came Amy. Amy came to Christ while she has been locked up. Her crime in our eyes is not nearly as severe. Even in the penal system inmates are very judgmental of each other and a person that kills their own child is not looked at with fondness or compassion. Amy stepped out of her comfort zone to walk with this young woman. Helping the least of these is not easy in any setting. Amy has shared, led a Bible study, and introduced this girl to Jesus. Amy has walked the journey with her. Even with scrutiny, and raised eyebrows from others Amy has walked with a person that Jesus loves and wants to have a relationship with.

I believe this is what we are called to: walking with other people and steering them in the direction of Jesus’ love, grace, mercy, and justice. As I walk this journey with others my faith comes in knowing that God will do the fixing,

I just get to enjoy others as we walk this path. Please be in prayer for the family who is dealing with this situation with the son in youth detention and the girl who is struggling with the concept of forgiveness for what she did to her child in jail.

Friendship learned from children

2010-04-10T06:54:00.001-07:00

She jumped off the bus, missing the last two stairs. This was an important day, one she had been looking forward to for a while. This was the first day she was having a friend over. It had been so difficult for her to concentrate in school that day. Even though the day was rainy and cold the weather would not diminish her joy.
She had been over to other classmates houses but never had she had one over. Her plans for the hour play date were to play with everything she owned. They were going to play with dolls, dress up, connect four, eat, and anything else she could think of.
The short walkup the driveway was covered in 4 steps as the little girls ran into the house. She wanted to give her friend the rules of the house so she showed her where to throw her book bag, coat, and shoes.
Snacks came first, by three in the afternoon hunger had built up since lunchtime. First grade was much tougher than kindergarten, no more snack time, or rest time in the afternoon. Today’s snack time is extra special- ice cream. Like everything else that happens this afternoon- it is fast, loud, and talking about future plans.
After ice cream the next stop is the dollhouse. This little girl is so proud to parade out her best toys. The friend doesn’t live in a house like this. Although this house is not big by any stretch is it is bigger than where she lives. As they are playing with the doll house the talk turns to brothers and sisters. The friend shares how she has close to 10 brothers and sisters but only two live with her because the others are just stepsiblings.
The hour and half goes by quickly and is fairly normal other than the little brother greeting the girls in his knights outfit and then being sad when the girls didn’t want to play with him.
The time was winding down and it was time to bring the friend home. The sugar buzz from the ice cream had worn off and the excitement had taken its toll. The talk was much more subdued and the conversation turned to when they would go over to the other house.
Even with all the differences the girls didn’t care. One lives in a subdivision the other in a trailer court. One is Hispanic and the other Caucasian. One does very well in school and the other has been labeled with a learning disability. My daughter is the one with the learning disability. Friendship is much simpler and possibly even easier when we are young.

A Mother's Journey

2010-04-02T08:34:00.000-07:00

The fear was someone would find out. People would think she was a bad mother, it was her fault that 3 of her kids were sitting in the county jail. The press was hounding them- they had to move. So they moved to a different town in a different county. For 5 months she kept the secret, not her neighbors not her co-workers, not even her pastor knew about her kids. They were under the impression that she only had one son.
All the pain, all the feelings of inadequacy, all the financial strain, all the worry sat squarely on this moms shoulders. Shame and pain kept her from letting others in. Lack of resources kept her three kids ages 19-23 locked up.
Then one day during a time outside her neighbor asked how long her husband had been doing wood working. The mother thought and in typical mother fashion she measured time by the ages of her kids. Then she did what she had been so careful not to do for five months she mentioned her daughters name.
It came out by accident,she hoped that the neighbor had not heard. The neighbor immediately picked up on the name and puzzled asked who this girl was. The mom was fearful she had liked the neighbor and the relationship that had blossomed. This neighbor had also invited them into a church community that they had felt comfortable in. The mom knew that the next few minutes could change this relationship.
She sighed and then told the story of her three other children. It wasn't that she was ashamed of these kids as much as she was scared of the judgment and the label that would come from people knowing. She still loved and cared for her 2 boys and daughter who are looking at 8 year prison sentences.
She knew that any type of explanation of the crime would not do justice. She knew that her kids would be judged on this one act rather than anything good they had done.
As she told the neighbor, tears swelled up in the neighbors eyes. She softly said "I wish I had known.I wish I had known so I could have been a support to you." That was the beginning of this mom's journey into sharing her pain. The neighbor encouraged her to share the story with the pastor and the church.
The mom was still very hesitant, she had been down this road before with the church and it hadn't always turned out good. But the neighbor had reassured her that this church cared and would want to walk the journey with her.
Being a small church- Sunday mornings involve a time of sharing at the end of the sermon. The mom scared and worried all week about this moment summoned the courage to stand up and go to the front. Her and her husband slowly walked down the aisle to the front. The pastor's message that Sunday had been on grace and forgiveness. There had been a few points that morning that had pierced her heart. There was a still soft voice that reassured her that these were people I can share and not hide my pain from.
As she and her husband began to share their story, eyes began to tear up. People began surrounding them with open arms of support. The pastor said many reassuring words that they would not be alone anymore with their pain. As the time began winding down a young couple came forward and asked if they could share something. The pastor not knowing what to expect granted them to speak.
This young couple began very uncomfortable and red faced. They then shared how they were not married, they were planning on it but had not made the commitment yet. They had made a bad decision and how she was pregnant. The couple like the mom had been hiding this inside due to the fear of judgment and insensitivity. The couple paused after dropping this bomb shell. They went on to explain that they had thought about other ideas of how to cover this up, but couldn't. The pastor tears running down his eyes again just hugged the couple.The couple were crying, so sad they had let so many people down, they just kept repeating sorry. The pastor just hugged them back not having any words to say.

Community- A lesson from Prison

2010-02-24T12:05:00.000-08:00

Who can I confied in? Who will I allow to speak into my life? Who will say those things that I need to hear?
Community is a concept many of us like much more than the reality. From my own experience as long as things are good we enjoy people, we enjoy others speaking into our life for encouragement or helping with wisdom. We like it when we are affirmed that we are making the right choices.
What happens when we aren't making the right choices? Being misguided is somethign that we as humans are very good at. It is very easy for us in our minds to convince ourselves that something is a great concept when reality it is not.
I have had some "great" ideas and concepts in my lifetime, great inventions, ideas that could save the world. No I have not won the nobel peace prize and the no one is calling me for advice on my vast knowledge. Of course these ideas were not great but I could not see that for myself. If left on my own my misguidings could lead to my ruin. I have grown to appriciate the wisdom and bluntness that many of those in my circle of friends have given me. It is not always fun and there have been some rough conversations through those times.
It is because of my experience in this area that I have encouraged the men in my class I teach in prison to try to find some others to find community with. In my teaching at prison I have brought this subject up numerous times only to be told that while in prison you keep to yourself and only tell what information needs to be told. If men in ISP were only staying there for a few months I could understand (I don't fully understand and this may just be one of my "great" ideas.but this is home for the next 20+ years of life for the majority of them.
I am pretty passionate about community and last week when I was talking through living a life of faith, I was asked about how I did it? I told them the gist of the above and that I had real hard time doing it on my own.
One gentleman about 40 said "man, I want to do that. But all my life I have choosen the wrong people to trust. I grew up on the streets and the people I trusted help me in making bad descisions and now I am here."
This other inmate said "when I was on the streets I use to blow everyone else off and not listen to anyone. I would punch people if they said something I didn't want to hear, but now after being in the joint for 15 years. I have allowed a few guys to speak into my life and it has helped me so much.
Looking around the room it was almost like this inmate had found the holy grail. Everone else in the class was glued to his every word. They wanted and needed this type of community but were so scared to trust.
I don't understand prison life, but I do understand the fear and not wanting to open up oursleves to others. The questions those men asked last week were not unique to prison but rather questions we ask ourselves many times. It was just a different context than most of us experience.
I had lunch with a guy last week, who told me I don't have any friends. I am in management in the business I work in, and I don't know many other people. Is this common? Probably a lot more than we realize. Community takes work,and sometimes we are too scared or too prideful to allow it to happen.

The economy- from the view of a prisoner

2010-02-24T12:02:00.000-08:00

"I want to change, I don't want to do what I have always done. Every idea I have on how to make money is illegal."
That was the beginning of a frank and honest conversation with my class this week in prison. In a world that has kept moving while these men are paying their price for their crimes , they try and enter back into the world.
Many of these men entered prison before cell phones or the internet was such a intricate part of our fabric. They joked how the last cell phones they remember are the ones that where the size of my forarm and weighed as much as a dumbell.
These men are not just spending time paying for their crimes, they will be paying for their crimes for the rest of their lives. It is not reasonable or realistic to think that they will be getting jobs in our current economic climate. Even for those who desire to change their ways if there is a stack of a few resumes on an employers desk the one with a felony on it gets discarded first. (not that is wrong but that is reality).
I had a young african american male who was in his mid twenties look me in the eye and ask why should I even try? This kid who is mid twenties is in prison for selling drugs. He has learned how to read, and has been in programs to help himself while in prison, he will be coming out in the next year, he wil lbe joining our community. His contacts are other "street thugs(his term)", he doesn't know many "straight people."
He has done well, but he is going to be without friends, money, or anything else when he gets out. (This story is not unique). Unless something miracoulous hapens he will go right back into the same enviorment he was in. He then asked why shouldn't I spend my time trying to become a better criminal?
There was such honesty and sincerity in the question, this is all he has known. He comes from a dad who was also a criminal and his support system is not much at all.
It is up to him, he comes out of prison alone. He doesn't have a strong personality,he is shy I am sure just by my interactions with him he is a follower. He doesn't stand a chance. I do not have any ideas or formulas to solve this problem but rather help us realize that even though many people especially african american males spend time in prison pay their debt. They also reemerge into society and when they get out we do not great them with anything but disdain and so many hurdles that is almost impossible not to go back to what got them in trouble in the first place.

What about the active learners?

2009-11-14T08:22:00.000-08:00

There was a book I read a few years back called "why men hate church." There were some good points in the book and some that were so-so. The parts I got the most out of could have been called why active learners hate church..

I see this being a segment of the population that is missing/under represented in the American church. Church in general does a great job of reaching people who learn by reading, and instruction. Maybe 10-25% of the population are these active learners. Many have tried the church and left they have ethier dismissed God or joined para church organizations.

The quesion is what can we do to reach people like this?

These are generalizations.Active learners consist of men, woman, young, old, business owners, philanthropists, mill workers, inventors etc, etc.

Message-
The message of Jesus is something that resinates with active learners.
The way He lived His life is something to literaly be emulated.
If the message is diminished/dumbed down or made easy it does not appeal to this group.
This group wants a message that they can live and die for.
This group will smuggle bibles into communist countries, move into trailer parks, would even falsely be imprisioned if it would help others find Christ.
Bottom line they want to be challenged in such a way that will change the world.
Challenge them to live on 10% and give 90% of their money away.
Many of these people are rich business people who are looking for a worthy cause to give their money too. (no a building project is not a worthy cause).
Unleash them on a city/community/country/world and watch what they can do.
Impossible projects energize them.
They will think creatively outside the box.
Current idea: How do we create a situation where we can get all the prostitutes off of the streets of Gary for one night? (You can tell if you are an active learner if this idea scares you or if you think how could this happen).

Learning-
This group learns different than the rest of our classmates in school.
This group learns by doing as oppossed to listening, and books.
They learn by doing
Their hands and our hearts may change before our head knowledge changes.

Great attributes: (generalizations)
Faith- this group is going to live by faith.
Fear- Fear is going to play very little in the decision making process.
Self-motivated- This group does not need much if any motivation outside of themselves.
Energy- This group has energy it is either going to be used for God or self.
Passion- This group is filled with passion and lives it out.
Spontanious- On a moments motice an individual would drop everything for people in need(i.e. hurricanes, natural disaster) etc.

Weakness:
many times they speak with passion and not logic- Active learners will say dumb things but the motivation is passion.
No patience- active leaners will have very little patience with others who don't see the world the way they do.
Disdain for those who don't live like this-
Meetings are not viewed with hope.- Most active learners are not going to enjoy meetings.
Messy- There may be colleteral damage with any activity they do.
Jump before thinking- Does not need all the details before jumping in.
Realities:
1. These type of people are much tougher to control than the average church person.
2. They generally scare the 75% of the population who govern American Churches.
3. In general,churches try to change these people to be like the rest of the church.
4. There are always going to be balance issues between the active learners and the rest of the church.
5. It may be because of the churches lack to imbrace these types of people- 20somethings and men's ministry struggle in most churches.
6. This group is going to be the front line soldiers and they are going to much more comfortable outside the church than inside. But they will share there faith wherever they go.
7. These type of people are may notto be great"vounteers" in church ministries. It doesn't have enough risk/reward for most of this group.
8. They would be willing to take a bullet for Jesus but yet may quit when the rest of church critizes and tries to make them tame.
9. These people are not going to mature into "normal" church people this is the way God has created these people. Of course there are rough edges that God will smooth out, but at the core this is the way God created them.
10. They will leave quickly when they see that they are not needed,wanted, or the vision of the church is too small.

Bottom line there needs to be balance between these type of people and the 75% of the population who endwells the current church.

Active learners form the Bible would include-
Peter- He was so willing to act and think afterwards
Paul- He was so willing to go wherever without worrying about the consequences.
Noah- willing to build an ark even when it didn't make logical sense.

This group of people needs to be an important part of the church body, the normal church has to realize they are not going to be like them and the active learners have to learn that they can't leave or do this on their own.

Sacrificial loving/living

2009-11-13T06:08:00.000-08:00

What if Jesus was serious when He said if you have two coats give to the one without? What if James was serious when he wrote true religion is looking after the widows and the orphans and keeping oneself from being polluted by the world? What if what Jesus said was true whatever we have done for the least of these we have done to Him? What if John was right when he said how can we say we love a God who we have never seen yet we hate our brother who we have seen?

I am going on the premise that this is true. That when one puts their faith in God, everything in life changes. That caring for the poor, needy, fatherless, and widows is not optional.

As Americans our culture is currently changing. 10% unemployment and probably closer to 17% under employed and those who have given up. What if America becomes the worlds 4 largest economy instead of the first? Those Christians who \ think this may happen also think that will bring the second coming. What if the American economy continues to falter and God doesn't come back? Will this end our faith? What exactly is our faith in?

As I have been with only a part time job for a couple of months, I have applied at many othersand have been turned down. There are a couple of ways of looking at this problem.
1.Logically- 10% of the country is looking for these same jobs and I have heard of over 300 applying for the same jobs I am applying at. I have had interviews where I am more qualified than the person giving the interviews. Many of the entry level jobs I have applied for are looking for fresh out of high school people. Someone they can boss around and not worry about. A friend of mine who is in the same boat dumbed down his resume and got a job.

2. The God factor- My wife and I can live on the amount of money we are currently making. Our outgo is very low. We have used our money wisely over the course of our marriage and the only bill we have is our mortgage. We don't like to live frugually or deprive ourselves of American pleasures but there is no reason why we can't live. Our house is not going to go into forclosure now or anytime soon. We have two running cars that are paid for. We have a savings.
Yet there is this tug and pull that money is going to be needed. We want to continue to build for retirement, continue to put money away for savings and feel safe. There is nothing wrong with these thought but us Americans worship this. for some reason we don't think when Jesus was speaking to the rich young ruler or the rich he was talking to us.

I have struggled and will continue to struggle seeing others make more money than I and move up the Christian and the corporate ladder. I am sure they are doing what God wants them to do and that is great.

Unfortunately I personally feel convicted. I feel that I do not live the sacrificial life that God asks of me. I personally believe that the time and effort I have spent recently in obeying God is worth ten times more than if I have to sacrifice cable tv or whatever.

I know our family could live on a whole lot less. We don't want to and Iam still feeling convicted about it.

There is freedom in God leading us here. This is not legalism or something I feel that is burden it is a freedom to realize I am not on this earth to make every last penny I can. Of course there is a balance but if I am to take Jesus at his words. he is a lot more concerned about me following him than making a nice, same decent living.

I was talking yesterday about a conversation Jesus had with his disciples paraphrased:

Disciples: yes we want to follow you.

Jesus: are you really sure?

Disciples: of course we are sure.

Jesus: Think about it for a second, I don't even have a pillow to lay my head down on.

Why don't we think this applies to us?

Instead of two coats and giving one away to someone who need it? Why do we think this doesn't apply to our cars.

I would love to think that the American dream/ladder is parrallel to Jesus' teaching and His ways.

Unfortunately I think they run perpendicular many times.

I wish I could live the American dream but unfortunately I am feeling pretty convinced tht Jesus was talking to me when he was talking to the rich.

Two great books are
Francis Chan's: Crazy Love
Shane Claiborne: Irresistible Revolution

Our Christian Brothers in Michigan City

2009-08-09T15:44:00.000-07:00

As many of you know there was 3 men who escaped Michigan City Prison a few weeks ago. Due to this escape all the inmates have been in lock down since this and they will be in lock down for the forseeable future. (It could be up to six months). What this means is that none of the volunteers, pastors, or families get to come and visit these men. All the programs and visits are canceled.In talking with a friend of mine who has been recieving letters from some of these men there is some dispair and anguish amoung the Christian population.My request of you is two fold: 1. Pray for our brothers in Christ who are in there. 2. We need some people to write encouraging letters to these men.If you are interested in writing a letter: facebook me back and I will give you the name and number for an inmate.We will not use your home address as the return address.Ben

In the sanctuary of outcasts

2009-08-09T15:43:00.000-07:00

Over the past month I have been reading "In the sanctuary of outcasts" Neil White. This autobiography of an outstanding man from the south who had an ideal life until he was involved in a white collar crime. He was sentenced to Carville institution in Louisana. Carville was not only a prison but also the last leper colony in America. The events in the book took place in the 1990s.At the end of the book there are a couple of quotes that had an impact on me:Neil the author had been given some advice when leaving this institution. he had been told by one of the lepers to find a church when he got out. Neil had been a church goer before being sentenced. But it was a church much like most of us middle to upper class white people go to. "I would take Ella (the lepers) advice and find a church. Not just any church. A place like the church at Carville (the institution). Were parishioners were broken and chipped and cracked. A place to go when I needed help. A place to ask forgiveness. A sacred place where people were not comsumed with image or money.I don't know if a church like that existed, but if it did I would go. And I would pray. Not the kind of prayers I used to say for miracles or money or advancement. I would pray for something more simple. I would pray for recollection- pray that I would never forget."When we are touched, broken, or realize the depth of pain and suffering what do we do? Do we try and forget the images and scenes that caused this brokeness? Pain and hurt is something we tend to run from. We tend to want to live in our "happy place" away from this. When we do this it is very easy for us to become apathetic, and caught up more in our rituals more than our compassion for others.Recently I taught a class on prison ministry. Prison ministry is tough going inside and helping criminals. It is ten times harder to help once they get out of prison. Very few people want these people as neighbors, friends, employees, or fellow church members. Is there a chance that these men could revert to past behaviors? Absolutely. Is all those that change in prison authentic? No more than those that find religon in the outside world. I much like Neil long for the same type of church. The only way this happens is when we become authentic and remember that we are all in the same boat and realize no matter how rich or poor we are we are all broken,chipped, and cracked.

A video from some of my students in Indiana State Prison

2008-09-23T17:49:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsHNCXtvgqo

This is a video taken during a service in Michigan City at the prison. Many of the people in the video were from my class that I taught last year.

Interview with Author from UnChristian

2008-09-18T09:27:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMflS_pRnVo

A weekend of rain

2008-09-17T12:39:00.001-07:00

With more rain coming down this weekend in the northwest Indiana area than any other time in 150 years it made for quite a bit of trouble. While inside a grocery store on sunday the loudspeaker came on and the announcement was "whoever has the red s-10 truck in the employee parking lot please move it or else you are going to be unable to get into it."
There was a story that summed up this weekend was in our local newspaper www.nwitimes.com was about a school teacher, his dad trying to save a boy from a rain filled area. Fortunately the boy was alive and taken to the hospital, unfortunately the teacher and his dad died in the rescue effort. Although I do not know anything about these men personally I do know that when weighing options in life they had made their decisions a long time before they tried to save this boy.
As we order priorities in life where do we put others? I went to a prayer breakfast this morning with Lloyd Ogilive (former senate chaplain) as the keynote speaker. He shared how when praying for new senator's he would pray that they would put God first, family second, nation third, and last on the list personal ambitions. How would life change if we contiunually live this way? Whether we have the influence of the those in the U.S. Senate or just those in our immediate family we all have an ability to put serve and sacrifice for others.
As we can only imagine what is going to happen with the American financial situation, where are our priorities and where do we have our agendas? The answers to tough questions like this seem to get easier when we have previously arranged our priorities and realized that putting self ambition first is not going to be the answer.

A determined runner

2008-09-10T10:49:00.000-07:00

This past weekend Valparaiso celebrated it's most famous alumni Orville Redenbacker with it's popcorn festival. Like many other small Indiana town festivals it mixes some part of it's heritage. Valpraiso not only has a parade, venders, food, a balloon launch but it also has a 5 mile race and it's marquee event called the lil' kernal race.
From general estimates anywhere from 300-500 kids ages 2-9 race down Valparaiso mainstreet in age groups and heats of 20-25.The 7-9 race 300 yards, 4-6 200 yards and then 2-3 100 yards. It is a run in front of family,friends, valpoites, and those who wanted to stake their claims out for the parade.
Ayden had run in the this event once before we had held out Kyle and Ellyse due to not knowing how they would handle it. This year we decided to sign them all up to run. Although Kyle is 8 we thought it best if he just ran the 200 yards with Ellyse. We had no idea how he would do, we thought worse case scenerio he would trip, fall, and be bloody the rest of the day.
When it was the 6 year olds time to shine, Jill pushed through the crowds to get Ellyse and Kyle into position. They reached the starting line with every other parent in northwest indiana who thought their child is going to be the next Usain Bolt. There were racer helpers who would escort the kids to the finish line and Jill asked one of them to occompany Kyle. The race started out and all the kids darted down the road. All the kids that is but Kyle. He tried to run as fast as his legs would take him, but he doesn't move to well because of the muscle Dystrophy. Soon it was very evident that this was going to take a while. When he was a quarter of the way to through the course Ellyse and the rest of the kids finished. Kyle was very determined to finish, although his legs are not strong his will made up for it. As he labored the remaining 150 yards a couple of other helpers joined in encouraging him to finish. I thnk there was very little doubt in Kyle's mind that he couldn't finish. As he neared the finishing line Jill's uncle told the announcer that the little boy's name on the course was Kyle. He began cheering on the loudspeaker for Kyle and immediately the throughs of people gathered began to follow.
As they were cheering his name a huge smile came across Kyle's face and with all the energy he could muster he ran the remaining 25 yards as fast as his legs would carry him.

Do I really miss people?

2008-09-08T12:42:00.000-07:00

In taking my daughter to school I encounter a girl who attends the church gathering that I am apart of. I had talked to her last Sunday and realized she was not in attendance yesterday. My first thought today when I saw her was to say I missed you at our church service yesterday. Then I began processing it in my head, did I really miss her? Would I have talked to her? If I tell her I miss her will the expectations be different next time she comes to the gathering?
In general Christians make a lot of empty promises to other people in their church communities. I am sure this happens to us in other places of the world but I personally notice it quite a bit in the Christian community. We are quick to ask someone how he or she is doing, or say nice little sayings like God is in control, or we are praying for you. The question is not do we actually care, because I know deep down most of us have hearts that deeply care about others. The problem is most of us as human’s want to fix the problem. Christian cliché’s are great; every time there is a problem in my life I have many well-meaning people who send me the same cliché’s. Is there anything wrong with this? No, this is our best attempt to speak on God’s behalf and give others peace. In thinking about the words Jesus gave to hurting people most of them were much more practical than religious fluff. I am sorry the last words in the world I want to hear when my mother in law was diagnosed with cancer, or Kyle with MD is “it’s God’s will.” It is taking all I can to make it through this and I am envisioning God crying with me but when I hear the word’s it’s God’s will I am visualizing a God sitting in heaven with His arms folded saying buck up and deal with it.
When was the last time when someone in the Christian community just sat and cried with you when you were going through a struggle? When was the last you asked someone how they were doing you sat and listened without giving advice? When was the last time someone came up and started talking about how they had a goiter removed, boils, and some strange fungus when we listened and didn’t run away? So going back to this girl who I encountered today I would love to tell her we missed her at church, but I have to ask myself the question am I ready for a persons expectations to change? Am I ready for a person to expect that people will ask “how are you?” and then listen for an answer? Are our churches ready for these types of expectations or we content with fluff answers and little compassion.

Personal update

2008-09-04T16:42:00.000-07:00

Personal Update
I like to write about concepts than about my personal life, but I would like to share an update what has been going on with Jill and I over the past month.
A change has been in the making since August 1, that day Jill’s mom was diagnosed with stage 3-breast cancer. This was out of the blue and totally unexpected. With me driving three times a week to Goshen we decided that this was not going to work with Jill needing and wanting to spend more time with her mom.
It was bittersweet leaving Goshen. This had never worked out the way we had planned, we had not sold our house. The pastor who I had felt a connection with had left. Even with all that there had been many people who I had grown close to. August 24 was my last Sunday there. Now to what next ? I had thought a lot about what to do, I really wanted to stay in ministry but I wanted something that was in the valpo area and also that was flexible enough to allow Jill to spend as much time as possible with her mom. In a complete working out of many factors and God answering prayers. I was contacted by a pastor from Jill’s home church, this pastor is also the former president of Taylor while I attended. They had a interm opening for a campus pastor for a emerging generation video venue service. After a couple conversations I realized this is what I was praying for, something that was flexible but yet also doing something I am passionate about. It works for this time and I still have no idea what the future will hold but I believe God has worked out all these circumstances. I have written in the past about feeling like not even having the same puzzle pieces but now it seems to have all come together and that is a huge answer to prayer.

Maslow and the church

2008-08-29T07:14:00.000-07:00

In the 1950s renown psychologist Abraham Maslow boiled down volumes of research into a list of needs and desires that people try to fulfill:

Transendence: help others realize their potential.
Self actualization: realize our own potential, self-fulfillment, peak experience.
Aesthetic: symmetry, order, beauty, balance
Learning: know, understand, and mentally connect
Esteem: achieve, be competent, gain approval, independence, status
Belonging: love, family, friends, affection
Security: protection, safety, stability
Physical: hunger, thirst, bodily comfort

These were first shown as a hierocracy with filling each need in an order, starting with physical and as we have each need met we move until we fulfill our transendence need. Subsequent research has shown that it isn’t so much a hierocracy but rather having these needs met simultaneously.

Let’s say that Maslow was right in diagnosing the basic human needs and that these 8 cover the majority of our worries and fears. Let’s say that no matter what the culture is we humans have the same core needs. It may look different in context but basically we are all the same with our plight as humans.

I was reminded of Maslow recently in reading through made to stick by Chip and Dan Heath and started thinking of how this would apply to Christianity and the church.

I have read many books on outreach and evangelism in the church, in thinking back over these readings I have read many on the church filling one of the specific aspects. Such as the need to belong or for meeting the physical need. Is it possible for a church to be cognizant of fulfilling each of these aspects? There are individual churches that may be real good at one or two of these while neglecting others. Maybe churches should only focus on or two of these.

Are we happy and content with the types of people who come or are involved with our churches? I have talked to many pastors who are trying to reach a different age group or niche group. The most common age group of people they are trying to reach is the 20/30 something family. The question is, is the church even coming close to meeting the felt need of this age group? Being in this age group I would say the number one need is someone to watch and protect my children. We went to a church that there two rooms of children church one for anyone under two and the other for ages 3-6th grade. My kids were frightened and didn’t want to go back because they were with much older kids.
Or churches that don’t have a strong musical base, is it because they don’t embrace the aesthetics’?

The question is, was Maslow right with his evaluation about people? If we were to look at the life of Jesus and the way he recruited people he used many of these needs to draw them in. The interesting part of American Christianity is that we have thought the draw for so long to Christianity has been the fear of hell. Yes, there are some people who want the thought of eternal security. This may be why the churches are filled with same types of people, those who want safety. What about the rest of us, what about those who want to have their adventure quota filled? What about those who want to invest in others? There was a place in Jesus life for those who had these other needs and I believe there is a place in the church for them also, but we need to challenge and present Christianity in away that is more appealing than join so you can escape hell.

Is the American church relevant?

2008-08-27T09:02:00.000-07:00

Yes the word relevant has been overused and this topic may have been dissected from every which way of late but I hope to add to the conversation with this peace.
It is always exciting being part of an organization that is being talked about and respected in circles that are outside the inner circle. It was exciting to me to see Rick Warren do the talk with both Obama and McCain a couple weeks ago on national television. Warren having the ability to pull off the first joint meeting was amazing. That a pastor would have the influence to do this is great. Yes we may not want Rick Warren as the spokesman for the American church but if the general American people see him as someone credible than there can be hope for us.
When was the last time other than someone in our circle of Christian friends and church members cared what went on in our churches? When was the last time someone other than the Christians in the community came to church because of our clever church signs or read the religious pages of the newspapers? I am sure it occasionally happens but does this get the attention of the community as a whole.
Yes the churches have begun to do a lot more with national and worldwide crises. There has been some great press with hurricane Katrina, and other tragedies. Does the community care when we have Bible School, if we have a guest speaker, or having a church wide picnic? All of these are done in the name of evangelism. I feel I can speak as somewhat of an expert on this topic because I have been to hundreds of these events. The vast majority of these do not attract anyone other Christians. Why? Is it because we are doing events that we enjoy not what the community as a whole cares about? Do we even know what would be relevant to people who are not like us?
I have heard many ministries and churches who want to reach Valpo University. I always ask what are you going to do? Start a Bible study, offer to pick up college kids in vans, put up fliers in the union, or have a Christian radio show at the station. Nothing wrong with any of these ideas, it will attract the Christians. In order to reach anyone who is either a dechurched or unchurched student these ideas are probably not going to work. What if the plan was to deliver pizza to every dorm room with a person from the church delivering it saying “hey we are from such and such church and we wanted you to know we cared about you, here is is our email address and if you have anything you need please contact us.” Would this cost money? Yes, would it be worth it, yes if we are trying to reach the unchurched or dechurched.
Going back to my neighbors who I have enjoyed spending time with, what do they do on Sunday mornings? Mow their lawns. Why do they do this on Sunday mornings? Is it because this is the only time they can do it because they work 6 days a week to support their families? If they are like us their schedules are just as crazy as the rest of us and they have their times maxed out. If I expect them to come to church how can I lighten their load? Can I volunteer to watch their kids, or mow their lawns?
I believe we are in the middle of relevance we have huge potential of being relevant but it is going to work and sacrifice on our part. Spirituality doesn’t always mean sitting in our houses and churches praying and reading our Bible.

What does it mean to be different?

2008-08-25T06:53:00.001-07:00

After my last post I had many comments and opinions. They run the spectrum of agreement and disagreement. I am sure this is a much more important topic to us in the American church than anywhere else.
Let me preface anything I say from here on by saying because of my current position I am refraining from alcohol.
Alcohol is just a small tip of the ice berg of the relationship Christians have with the cultural and those around us who are not of the same belief as us.
Last night I spent time with my neighbors and one of the neighbors hasn’t spent to much time around me much. He goes to church but I have no idea what his commitment is to his faith. As the other neighbors were drinking and shooting the breeze, this new neighbor was different than the rest. He still drank, smoked, and cussed but every once a while he would throw a religious phrase into the conversation. He was trying to impress me in some way but it was very disingenuous and strange. I was trying to figure out why he found the need to act this way? Is this what we have taught in church? Have we really never reached into the core of the problems but rather just tried to give people ways of covering up deeper problems by giving them clever phrases?
Is smoking, drinking, or cussing any of my neighbors biggest problems? Absolutely not, every single one of them have kids, wives, and families they worry about. Last night we talked at length about how we “deal” with wives. How we are embarrassed if our kids act up at restraints or get in trouble at school.
I think our biggest problems as Christians we can never get to core issues with non-Christians because we can never get over small surface issues. We can never get to the core problems of sexuality because we are so hung up in the acts of it. Last week I ran into one of my former youth group members and she introduced me to her girlfriend.
Immediately the people I was with started snickering and criticizing as soon as she left. My heart hurt for this girl, no I don’t agree with her life choices, but what is really going on in her life? Is the biggest issue that she chooses to be with a girl rather than a boy? Probably not, her biggest issue maybe the hurt that led her to this decision. Homosexuality in my mind is a surface issue rather than the root problem.
If I want to be different I am going to work hard at having the fruit of the spirit evident in my life and try patiently with dealing with others. Anybody can criticize, complain, boycott, or picket. It is a whole lot harder if we decide to get involved and be the light.Remember alcohol, smoking or whatever is just a coping mechanism to deal with the stress of the world. Biting my fingernails is one coping mechanism and it might not be looked down on as much but it still isn’t extremely healthy.

To drink or not to drink?

2008-08-22T06:56:00.000-07:00

Why is alcohal such a big deal in the American church? Actually I know and came from a dry house. We never had alcohal in the house and I remember looking down on other people from our church who did drink. It is frowned on in many evangelical circles, and I have never really drank because of working with teens and being an example. I have been re evaluating my stance and my attitude toward this subject. In my reasoning previous it was always with the thought of avoiding the appearance of evil. Is alcohal evil? Of course the abuse of alcohal is evil, but so is the abuse of money, over eating, and many other issues that us American Christian's are good at.
I was having a conversation recently with a pastor friend of mine and we were talking about reaching our neighbors and into our neighborhoods. The question of alcohal came up, my neighbors stand in our neighborhoods on a nightly basis and drink beer. I have turned them down everytime they asked. Of course in my self righteous stance I am doing the right thing. The quesion is am I doing the right thing? As my conversation with this pastor progressed he told how he had done the same thing with his neighbors in a previous neighborhood, after the third time someone had asked if he wanted a beer, before he could answer one of his other neighbors said"no he is too good for our beer."
I have been thinking a lot about this since this conversation. If my neighbor brought me some food that they had slaved over and wanted me to eat it would I stick up my nose and say that smells funny or I am too good to eat your food? I am not going to just use this as a justification to drink? No but I am thinking that the general attitude of turning down beer from our neighbors may be a way of us giving the attidue and the air that we are better than them. The problem is we may actually think we are.

Observations from a people watcher.

2008-08-12T10:58:00.000-07:00

I was able to do one of my favorite activities last night, I went to a baseball game. In trying to count the games I have been to in the last five years it has been over 20. The reason I enjoy baseball games so much is not for the game itself but rather the people I meet and observe. In New York last month when I went to Yankee stadium a twenty something introduced himself as "steriod man" and he was a fellow Red Sox fan and said that if anyone messed with me he would take care of me.
I have shared in earlier blogs about the type of people I meet in stadiums and the type of conversations that happen. Last year in Cleveland I was invited to a strip club (which I turned down) and as a way of insulting us red sox fans chest hair was thrown at us. Is this normal behaivor or an excuse for too much alcohal? Last night the question was brought back up in my mind. Does alcohal just bring to light who we really are or does it impare our judgements?
I was sitting next to my brother in law and this twenty something blonde sat next to us in the isle we were sitting in. She was a red sox fan and tried making small talk with my brother in law and me. She was a little annoying and not someone that I wanted to spend the whole night having a conversation with so I partially ignored her. There were four guys in front of us who were from Boston on business who were in the their late twenties early thirties. I had overheard one mention something about being married early in the game, but that didn't seem to matter as the night went on and their interest in the blonde became more evident. As the beer kept coming the conversations got stronger I was wondering where this would go. It went to phone numbers being exchanged and plans to meet up at a bar. Why?
Observing human behaivor is very interesting. Do we all desire theforbidden aspects of life? Do any of us have the possibility of doing something life damaging on a regular basis?
As Christians I have this fear that many deny that these possibilities even exsist. I am going to be honest and say I know that I have the possibility of doing something that may ruin my life. Is this something that I ever want to happen? Absolutely not and I am going to do everything in my power not to. Unfortunately I have heard and seen to many stories of people who thought they were invincible and who ended up broken. This is so sad and I dont ever want to see anyone else go through this.
How is this story going to end for the married man? It is sad to think of all the people he may hurt beause of his decisions.

Patience and Perseverence

2008-08-11T07:55:00.000-07:00

I want immediate success, if not time is wasting and off to the next venture. In recent weeks I have been reminded and been working on the art of perseverence. In reading a book on Cal Ripken and some of the keys to his longevity in the game of baseball he shares his keys to life. His first key is perseverence, and fighting through all the time he wanted to give up. One of the aspects that really hit me was that he would practice longer than anyone else. He would always be the last one to leave the field. It has been said about many great athletes that they were excellent in the area of perseverence. I am not so good being someone who perseveres.
This morning Seth Godin's blog(http://sethgodin.typepad.com/) talks about perseverence and patience. The easy part is coming up with an idea and even spending a week on an idea. The hard part is seeing ideas through to success. In watching the olympics this week I think it would be great to be an olympian. Then the reality of the sacrifice and commitment comes in. Do I want to spent the next four years perfecting my badmitton skills? Do I want to run every day and only focus on badmitton?
One of my problems and always has been is the desire to do many things and have new adventures. I am working on the whole focusing aspect of life and trying to persevere at a few things than trying and starting many things.
This is what I am trying to work on today, tomorrow, and the rest of my life.

Over looked leadership article

2008-07-30T07:39:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine from college recently sent me a link from leadershipjournal.net, I want to share it because it resinated with my thinking
http://www.christianitytoday.com/le/2008/002/7.32.html

Made to stick

2008-07-29T08:00:00.000-07:00

I have struggled over the past few months with reading. I have started a few books but have not had the dedication or determination to finish them. One of the books that I started reading and have recently picked back up is "Made to stick" by dan heath. This book was not written with pastors specifically in mind but there is a lot of information that could really be of help.
The basic premise of the book is what message are you getting out? Whether someone is a teacher,salesman, pastor, or whatever we all have a message that we are trying to get out. The question is is our message getting to our audience? Is our message delivered in such a way that people are desiring to learn more about what we say? Is our message said in such a way that people are digging for themselves even more than what we are giving them?
Unfortunately I have been in so many church services that do not have a plan or a specific theme for the day. It may have an overarching theme of God or God's love but not something that we could summerize in a sentence. In Bible school as a kid I always remember that their was one specific Bible verse and every thing about that day focused on the lesson that the Bible verse taught. It was focused on teaching one principle. Unfortunately we have listened and possibly preached sermons that afterwards we have may left scratching our heads about was the point of that. As the great line from Billy Madison said "Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I've ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response was there anything that could even be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it." Is this what more people are thinking when they leave a service ? I highly value pastors and I think that the message we have is so important and I think sometimes we don't realize the importance of how we say it is.

My church isn't deep enough for me

2008-07-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

This was a comment that a 20 something told me when he was describing his church during a conversation at the fair last week. This isn’t the first time I have heard this comment nor will it be the last. What does the comment really mean? Is it the lack of knowledge that a church or pastor has? Is it the void of the charismatic aspect of a particular service? Or is it lack of challenge or high expectations of its members?
As I conversed with this young gentleman to find out exactly what he meant his problem was the lack of charismatic elements in his church service. This conversation sparked my own thinking of mainline churches and even seeker sensitive services. The church isn’t deep enough seems to be a criticism that is leveled against these types of churches. There is an argument that can be made that a church is not responsible for each person’s spiritual growth. Which I agree with but I do think that the church can facilitate growth and can create environments where people can change.
Have these types of churches become safe to the point of their own detriment? Is safety a word that needs to describe the church? Yes in the context of children, but in the context of the way we are presented the Christian lifestyle probably not.
When one is looking for adventure, a dangerous lifestyle, or a life-changing mission does one look to Christianity or the church to help fulfill this goal? For those who have these types of goals in life the New Testament church would be a great place for them to fit into. Where would they fit now? I recently had a friend who helped smuggle Bibles into a communist country as part of a group of about 7. What if churches began to offer missions trips that offered the chance to change the world but had the possibility of prison or death what would happen? Our churches would begin to change the type of people who felt comfortable there. Our memberships may go down, but the dedication may go way up.

What do kids know?

2008-07-25T08:09:00.001-07:00

What do kids know?

My kids make me laugh and amaze me on a regular basis. I took the three of them to a softball game last night and they were asking all sorts of questions about the umpire, for some reason Kyle asked if he could bump the umpire? Ellyse points to the umpire and says who is the old man in the blue?
They have also been asking different spiritual questions of late, I was listening to a pastor one day this week driving to Goshen and he was talking about the Luke 17 passage where Jesus gives warning to those who cause children to stumble. This pastor had a little different take on this passage than most. Most pastors who have talked about this as an issue of sin and us teaching correct theology. Which there is probably a lot of truth for this. What about our teaching about faith and trusting in God? It seems that kids have a much better grasp on this than us adult do. Are we going to be held responsible for trying and teach our kids that we can be self reliant and to be able to do things on our own?
I think that kids may be the better teachers on this subject than us adults are. Yesterday Jill and Kyle were having a discussion in the kitchen and we have a magnet with Jesus on it on the frig. Kyle asked a question about Jesus and Jill was explaining who Jesus was and how he died and saved us from death. We never know how kids will respond to conversations like this we have a formula that we think they will follow but they never do. Kyle’s response to this conversation shocked me, he looked at Jill and said Jesus is saving my muscles. We haven’t had many discussions about muscular dystrophy with him and I don’t really know how much he knows about the disease. He does know one thin though that Jesus can heal his muscles. Kids sometimes don’t need as much from us as we need from them.

new york city missions trip video

2008-07-20T18:15:00.000-07:00

This was made by Jeff Chupp.

New York City Trip

2008-07-17T07:30:00.000-07:00

I have mixed feelings about missions trips. On the one hand they are expensive, seem to do little to the culture we go into, and a little touristy. The flip side is what happens to the people who go on these trips.
Last week we had our trip to New York City. The question was asked the first night we were there “what do you want God to do on this trip?” My first thought was to get through this week. In a lot of ways we had already accomplished the goal we had gotten these kids to come here. This group of kid’s only months earlier had been scared to death to go Christmas caroling in our church neighborhood. So when the question was asked what do you want God to do? I was trying to be realistic; we knew that we were going to be serving at a soup kitchen, ministering to homeless, prayer walks, and prayer booths. I was trying to think what is possible; if they just participate I will feel this is an accomplishment.
Complaining is a defense mechanism, when we are fearful of the unknown we tend to criticize and make excuses to not participate or avoid the new event. Complaining is a big issue on missions trips for the teens and the leaders alike. As the leader I try and prepare myself as best I can for this attack. If I just allow the complaining to be the focal point we will all leave the trip exactly as we came and not allow ourselves to be changed.
So when we first arrived in New York the complaining stared, the rooms were cramped and hot. We had driven a long way (we did see a dead bear on the side of the road in Penn) and we were starting to get on each other’s nerves. The biggest issue on the trip was the no cell phone during ministry time rule. That is the one I had been preparing them for. I didn’t know if they could handle that one or not. The first night we had a little gripe session and it was challenged to them that if they were going to get something out of this trip that we don’t grumble and complain. To everyone in the groups credit the grumbling and complaining was almost non-existent through the trip.
The group exceeded even my best-case scenarios. The first day we had some change of plans because of too many people at the mission, the group leader asked if we would be willing to pray and pass out fliers with people on the streets. This was our first real test if we could not grumble and complain if we could make it by this then we would be fine. The group passed with flying colors. One of the teen boys came up to me half way through the day beaming and shared how he had made a girl cry. I wanted to know why this was a good thing, he then shared how he had asked her about her life and she was so moved when he asked her to pray that she started crying. I couldn’t believe how quick these kids jumped into to serve and love on people. It was this same story every day of the trip. Teens and adults coming up and sharing how they had prayed and talked to people. I was amazed at what God did in each and everyone of their lives.
We were at a prayer booth one of the days and I was with a teen who has never prayed out loud in the time I have been here and isn’t the most outgoing person. We were standing by the prayer booth when this older woman who had problems with her eyesight approached us. She wanted prayer that God would heal her. I asked if I could pray with her and she looked at the teen I was with and said I want him to pray for me. He then said a simple prayer of healing on this woman’s eyes. I was crying because I could not believe how much God had worked in this teens life to even be willing to do this. Seeing and hearing each teen talk about what God did in them will be a moment that I will never forget, hearing passion where there use to be apathy, courage where there use to be fear, love were there use to be indifference, and faith where there use to be doubt. We may not have changed New York, but New York changed us.

Circumstances

2008-06-25T13:43:00.000-07:00

I was shaken back to reality during sunday school last sunday. We have been studying Genesis over the past months and this week we read through the chapter of Joseph and his landing in prison. I had to ask myself docircumstances make a person? I know I sometimes think if I wasn't in this position/situation in life than I could accomplish this or I could do that. As I was talking to the teens I began realizing that as much as I hate my circumstances, these circumstances have nothing to do with my being able to accomplish anything.
In thinking over my last two months I would say that this has been the most stressful time I have ever been through. Between commuting an 1 1/2, the pastor leaving, my house mess, and Kyle starting the process to begin steriods I have felt overwhelmed, discouraged beyond words, and pretty angry. It is my heartfelt prayer that this chapter of my life get over quickly.
In focusing on all the externals it is very easy for me to distiguish between who I am and the circumstances around. Will life be different when the circumstances change? Reality is I am still the same person just like Joseph.
He was the same person when he was in the house of pottopher as he was when he was in prison. This is a sharp dose of reality. I have little to no clue what the future holds for me. It wouldn't suprise me if I became an aflec salesman any more than it would suprise me if I stayed at St Marks or if I found a job in Valpo. But, these are all exteriors, rather the question is are any of these going to change the person that I am? I hope that I have the faith and trust that God does know what is going on, but I also have the responsibilty to continue being willing to grow into who God wants me to be. It is really not fun being in this position or answering the question what are you going to do? I can honestly answer I don't know, but I can answer I am working on being who God wants me to be in the meantime.

How are we going to get to New York?

2008-05-15T06:04:00.000-07:00

I never thought my life would be this affected by the rising costs of gas. With all my crazy commuting back and forth between goshen my gas costs are close to 25% of my income. I had friend joke with me the other day well you are going to be breaking even by the time the prices come to a close. Which hopefully won't happen. I have no idea who else it is effecting but personally it is effecting me. This is just a crazy situation but not as much of a headache as trying to find trnasportation to New York City this summer.
I wouldn't have thought getting to New York would be the toughest part of this mission trip planning. I was quoted $8,000 + a drivers hotel room for the week by a bus company, I was told that enterprise does not allow their vehicles from here to be driven to the city. Amtrack would be an interesting alternative but when I did my research the cost was lower but it goes from elkhart to cleveland to pittsburgh to washington dc to philadelphia to new york city. A fun filled 36 hours of being on a train each way. Granted there would be many stories to tell from that trip. Greyhound may be the best option. It only takes 26 hours again the stories from a greyhound bus is going to be unbelievable. We even checked into flying the price was do able about $250 per person. Then I started looking at the times and it said 11 hours from take off to getting down at JFk. After looking at the itinerary I found that it goes from south bend to chicago to cinncinati and then to New York. I guess that is do able all except transportation while in the city.
There has to be some unconventional way of thinking about this this problem adnd finding a solution. Maybe we could get on fed ex plane or a farmer needs 24 people to help him get pigs across the country,an amish family may have relatives in the new york area we could hitch a ride on a buggy or a prison bus has extra room. There has to be a cheaper way to get from here to New York. That is my mission and I would love any ideas or help. I am thinking boat may be the cheapest.
How is the price of gas changing your life?

Update on Kyle

2008-04-29T15:02:00.000-07:00

I haven't talked alot about Kyle and his MD (muscular dystrophy) for the past few years. It is a tough topic for me to talk about and in some ways have tried to push it out of my mind for as much as I can.
Jill took Kyle to the doctor today. This is one of those appointments we have been dreading for the past few years. Our appointments up until this point had been filled with he is doing well at this point, he is stable and not going downhill. Today we knew that the doctor would be suggesting him start on his steriod medication. That was nt a suprise, I guess in my mind what was a suprise was that Kyle also has osteo perosis (?) and an enlarged part of the heart from overwork. Both of these are not uncommon in md patients, but it is hard because we can start seeing the deteriation we have been dreading for the past few years. I think the hardest part has been well meaning people tell us he looks fine, we think this isn't really going to happen. Well we wish it really wasn't going to happen and I believe God can heal him but if that doesn't happen reality says his body and inner organs are going to deteriate in front of us.
As hard as all the crazy things have been in the last year, these trials may only be preparing us for each of the coming trials we will have.

We can vanquish fear

2008-04-23T07:07:00.000-07:00

We can vanquish fear
I love the "Office" it is really the only show I watch on tv, other than all my bravo reality shows. In one episode Dwight decides to take Ryan on a sales call. Well Dwight first takes him to his beet farm for a lesson. In this lesson he brings Ryan into this barn and tells Ryan that in order to vanquish fear he needs to wrestle his cousin Mose who has fear written on his shirt. Ryan does not want any part of this so Dwight just suggests that he jump into this casket that is sitting in the back. If you don't follow the show this scenes is funny like most episodes.
What do we do to vanquish fear? If I am like anyone else I don't want to face up to my fears , I would rather manage them and try to skirt the issue until I am on my death bed. It is to painful and even when we come clean about the fear then we have a responsibility to change.
I spoke about David and Goliath last week in church and I did the childrens sermon on fear. So I asked all the little rascels what they were afraid of? Since I asked them what they were afraid I thought it was only appropriate to share one my many fears. I wanted it to be more tangible than lonliness, the future, or dead by termites. I told them snakes, which I hate. There is this one little boy who is the incarnation of the Crocodile hunter he has brought all sorts of crazy animals into the church including some florescent lizards, and some small furry australian rodent. I think he may have the reptile section of a zoo in his bedroom. When he heard I was scared of snakes he wanted to do something about it his mother told me.
He came to visit my in my office yesterday and he brought me a small garter snake I can handle it,and i thought this over. Well little did I know that around the corner from my office was a python that he had. So without me seeing he traded the garter snake for a python and then turned around and this 4 ft long pythoin was staring me down. I about jumped out of my chair.
This little boy is about 4 and he was telling me all about his pet python named stripes. He was trying to convince me that the snake wouldn't hurt me and I didn't have anything to be afraid off.
How do we vanquish fear? I think it is easier to deal with it when we are young because we still believe that things can change. I believe as we get older we settle for what life is and don't think to much about the hope that it will change.
I loved the little boy with the python, and his determination and desire to help me get over my fear of snakes and I just might with his help

"great" ideas

2008-04-08T07:27:00.000-07:00

Some great church promotional gimmicks
With the time I have spent in Goshen I have been able to come up with some "great" ideas. It really is amazing how many warped ideas I can come up when given the time.
Feel free to use these ideas they are great:
1. Sell your imaginary friends on ebay- You have spent enough time with them, it is time for a change but for you and them. They need the time and the freedom to explore other parts of the world. You are confing them and clipping their wings. if you are over 30 the time has come to part with them, please let me help you. I may be the first one to tell you this but you have to let go.
2. Popsicyle night- We did this the other night at youth group. What is better than a cottage cheese popsiclye. I will tell you what might be- pickle juice, oatmeal, or relish. Mac and cheese not so good. But you can not beat spam and cheese on a frozen stick. Watch ebay for the recipe for spaghetti and meatball pops. It is going to be the newest fad. Next week is slushies and shakes. What is better than tunafish mixed with ice cream. Yum yum.
3. A car wash- this may not sound like a new idea but here is the catch. We are auctioning off car washes on line to any one in contential us. Say there is extremely dirty car in topeka kansas that the owner would want just the right group of teens to wash. he can buy our services. It will be the newest youth group ad. Combine two great events road trips and car washes. It will be a huge money raiser. oh wait it costs money to get to Topeka kansas.
4. Make your own youth group cologne- This idea came after a group of teens threw a bottle of axe body spray, italian dressing, and kerosane into a bon fire. The fragrance is to die for. It will be on the shelves of your local dollar store soon.
Being in Goshen isn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

Do we stop learning?

2008-04-01T15:56:00.001-07:00

How many of us read and expand our brains? If we read do we read materials that support what we already believe? Are we constantly trying to defend our own belief systems that we don’t even know if we believe because it is true or because it is a tradition. I am scared to think of this concept in the realm of Christianity and the church.
Pagan Christianity? has just been hammering at me over the last few weeks. It is one of the first books in a while that has challenged my thinking to the point of really reexaming some of my practices and certain beliefs I have about the church.
I don’t want to give examples because that isn’t point, the point is are we so dogmatic on how we live out our Christian walk that even faced with evidence against how we live we ignore it. Do we honestly believe that we are living out the purest form of following Jesus? If we don’t believe we are living it out, then we may need to examine our lives and see what we what sacred cows we are holding onto stronger than our actual faith in God.
Is our faith stronger in our traditions than in God? I think asking this question may have gotten Jesus killed. What traditions were the religous people at the time of Jesus practicing that Jesus questioned? Was it their pious attitudes, was it their pride in how much money that had given, was it their holier than thou attitudes over the lost and hurting.
What did Jesus lift up as stories for us to emulate? Was it the story of the good samaratan, was it the women at the well, was it zacheus, was it the children, was it the sheep and the goats? What does it look like for us to be the church on both and individual level and a corporate level?
Maybe we do not know because it would be so foreign to us if it was right in front of us. Is the church meant to be the group of people who attend each sunday morning out of ritual and duty and extremely upset if someone messes with their tradition of where they sit or the order of the service? Then they critique the pastor not by what God has done in the service but by the length and eloquence that the message is brought.
Maybe we all need to reaxime the way we view both our church corporatly and individually and see if it matches up to what the new testement describes the church to be

Church members for life?

2008-03-30T20:20:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had the opportunity to hear an expert in the Amish culture speak about the Amish communities response to the school shooting two years ago. This scholar from Goshen College co-authored a book titled “Amish Grace.” An amazing story from a group of people that I can learn from, I wrote a blog last year titled “Long live the Amish.” I have a great deal of respect and admiration for this community of people.
One of the topics that was dealt with in this scholars speech was the Amish as a community and not as individuals. The Amish as a community forgave the man’s family who administered this act of violence. In order to be part of this community he individual has to make a pledge and promise they are going to embrace this for life. This is a promise that comes with heavy consequences such as being shunned if broken.
How would this change our culture if we made a vow like this? Could you imagine how much less church splits and church shopping would happen ? Yes there are some downsides to this such as being so ingrained and so inward focus, but the community and family atmosphere that would be built would be so great.
If we were to start incorporating some of the values that the Amish have in their churches we would probably see greater fruit from relationships. I think many times don’t invest fully into relationships with others in a church setting because we are afraid of hurt and rejection or because it isn’t worth the effort. We can be somewhere else if we get our feelings hurt or if there is something newer at another church.
We are losing out on the relationships God has intended us to have. I know I have. stated that I am unsure of what is going to happen when our new pastor comes into town. The reality is it doesn’t matter. I have grown so close in such a short period of time to a core group here in Goshen, that I really couldn’t imagine life without them.
Isn’t that what a large aspect of church is all about? Finding people to do life with and working through struggles together, it is so hard to find this and we should fight a lot more than we do to keep it.
Another aspect of Amish culture this scholar said tonight was that the Amish were surprised when they went to visit the family of the man who killed their children, and no one else was there to support the family of the killer. (He committed suicide during the rampage) The Amish take care of those who are widowed and hurting. For those who are widowed they visit them every Sunday for a year after their loss. They don’t even have a full time pastor to ensure this happening. They understand and care enough about each other is just a way of life.
That is just the way Amish do it, when asked why they forgave the killer their response was that is who we are. We decided a long time ago this was the response we were going to have and we were ready for it.
There are many horrible aspects of being an Amish but they sure have a lot for us middle class American Christians to learn about caring for each other.

Gang leader for a day

2008-03-17T06:56:00.000-07:00

In my spare time this week I have been reading Gang leader for a day. It is about a sciocologist who spends many years in the Robert Taylor Homes in the ghetto of Chicago. It is a fascinating tale of how the people of the inner city live. There is as much bribery, payments for protection, and coruption as you would hear of in an eastern bloc country. All of this going on in the midst of an American city.
It was a very intriguing story, one that many of us growing up in middle class America are not aware of. Is the problem we face one of lack of resources? Are the reason people live like this because there isn’t enough in America and the world to go around? Or is it the fact that some hord all the resources and leave the rest of the world to fend for themselves.
This theme of hording resources seems to be a common theme of my life of late. In Sunday school yesterday we read Genesis 26 as we are reading through Genesis and the hording issue in this chapter is water. There was enough water to go around but people were jealous and started filling each others wells up and trying to make issues for the others. I watched the movie Blood Diamond on saturday. An unbelievable story of what the westerns world’s greed and the problems it causes along the way.
I am more and more sad we as Americans carry themselves. Unfortunately I see so much more of a similarities between our version of Christianity and the things Jesus proclaimed against.
In the first chapter of Pagan Christianity? The amount of money spent on church buildings is astronomical. Think of what would happen even if some of that money was used not only to tell others about Jesus but to take care of the needy people of this world.
It is much more tangible to show a building for someone to give money but is this really what God had in mind with His church? We have all of these church buildings across the country and we have people visit them at most twice or three times a week to worship God. And we have millions of people on this earth who are suffering and dieing, is this obedience? How are we going to be judged individually by God about our resources. If we have a job that pays more than $1 a day than we are in the wealthiest 33% of the world. Money is not the issue why there are so many in and out of this country hurting and dying. It is because we as Christians think it is much more of a spiritual act to build huge buildings to tell God how much we love and care for Him. I am sure God will definitely give us some credit for doing this.

Life is like a box of puzzle pieces

2008-03-10T07:52:00.001-07:00

I am at a place of life where very little about my life makes sense. In the use of an analogy I feel like I have a box of puzzle pieces from about 10 different puzzles. It doesn’t make any sense nor can the pieces be assembled in a way that actually makes anything.
It has been a rough four months with me commuting from Valpo to Goshen without our house selling. There have been two factors that have made this a little easier: those are my parents had a house that they had bought that they weren’t living in and the other is that the pastor and I have gotten along great and had been working on different projects and I felt worked real well together.
Last week my parents moved in (planned) and the pastor announced he was leaving (unplanned). Now I have a house in valpo, sleeping on the floor of my parents house in Goshen, and the unknown fact of who is going to take over at the church. None of these pieces fit together at all. I am just a little bit frustrated. Not at any person, but rather at the situations.
I am not going to begin speculating at what the future holds because I have no idea of anything. There is a pretty good chance I will not stay at the church after the pastor leaves. There is just something about doing ministry with people you have chemistry and a natural vision with and if that isn’t there or either side than it doesn’t do much good to stay. Ministry is hard enough as it and it is ten times worse when you are doing it in a unhealthy team situation.Is my house not selling for a reason? I am very much a control freak when it comes to my future and situations that I am in. Of course this is God’s way of having me develop trust but I have to say it isn’t funny any more. I hate living in limbo without knowing what is going to happen next. I feel like I have lived this way since I left Real Life over 2 years ago. This doesn’t make any sense and I can echo the sentiments of a girl in a youth group meeting I had many years ago whose prayer request was for a friend who had std and her response was and she is not happy about it. I am really not happy about this whole situation. I just wish my puzzle pieces were from the same puzzle.

The middle men

2008-02-29T06:20:00.000-08:00

I watched American Gangster the other night. The storyline was unbelievable. It was a great American business story of success, of course it was an illegal business and the illegal parts came out in the movie. The reason this man became rich was he cut out the middle man and bought drugs straight from Asia. I think there is a lesson about being the middle man that the church needs to understand.
With the advent of the internet many professions are dropping by the way side, who still goes into a physical vidoe store? Does anyone still use a travel agent? We use the internet as much as a real estate agents advice in our quest to find a house? Many professions are changing because the middle man is not needed anymore. We can find and do things for ourselves that only 10 years ago we paid "professionals" to do it for us.
Has the church been the middle man in normal peoples knowledge and quest for God? In the old testemant the high priest was the middle man, when Jesus came he broke down this barrier. In the early Christian period scribes would be the most educated in reading the scripture and people would listen to them. In our current society the pastor has been the one with the most knowledge and we have listened to his educated opinions and interpretations on scriptures each and every sunday morning. Now whatever passage the pastor talks about we can do a quick internet search and find more about the subject than what the pastor could possibly cover in a 45 minute talk. So if the church's main purpose is for educating about God and how to have a relationship with God, it may be that people are going elsewhere because they can find more information.
Of course there is always going to be the need to educate but the in this current culture we live in this need isn't as high as in the past. Why would someone want to be involved in a church that preaching isn't as good as someone he can download? Why would I get out of bed to dialogue with people I can do the same with online? Why would I listen to music that I can to listen to to the same praise and worship chorus 50 different ways other places?
The problem may be that we have tried to market church in a way with resources they can get anywhere else. I drove by a billboard that church was using to promote their newest message series. It said sick of the same old bull try our church. I think the whole church clothes thing is overplayed. Who are these ads trying to reach.People who have tried some other church and had to dress up and listen to some sermon that they have heard before. Why in the world are we are encouraging church shoppers? Are these the real reasons people pick churches and if it is no wonder American Christianty is so shallow.
What is so appealling of other faiths or religons? Lets just imagine a mosque promoting themselves with a great music, casual dress, and 5 ways to improveyour sex life. Why have we dumbed ourselves down so much that Christianity is a laughing stock.
I don't think churches are the middle man, but I think that we need to get back to being on that passionate mission that Jesus told his disciples to be on.
I am in the midst of Pagan Christianity? by Frank Viola and George Barna. A indepth look at traditions of the church and it is a very challenging read. It justs seems that we as humans don't seem to break our cycles. just one quick little tidbit from the book. It asked the question why do churches have steeples? A greeat research question, and I will just say that the book draws parrellels between steeples and the tower of babel and we know how much God loved the people at Babel.

Does Memorization = Maturity?

2008-02-27T04:50:00.001-08:00

In Going Big by Bill Easum he makes a couple of statements that provoked thought in me over the last 24 hours. He said something along the lines of "for so long Christians have thought that memorization equaled spiritual maturity but the reality is that action is the final result.
How do we define some one who is Spiritually mature? Do we put on pedistals those who have great knowledge and can quote many Bible verses?
Bible knowledge is important and memorization is also a good ting but these are not the end. These are a means to help us get to the end of action. Doing whatever God has called us to.
Is ushering or serving coffee on a sunday morning what God calls us to? These are important or a church service to function but is this what action is? Yes there needs to be people that are willing to serve anywhere for anything but is this the end results? Is this is what we are striving to make out of people? What are our stories that we are able to tell? What is going to last after we are gone? Is there anything about God working through us that is going to last even a couple of weeks? Are there stories of God working that can last generations? Are there stories of people who decided they wanted to put this Christianity into action and amazing things happened? I love stories of friends of mine who moved to las vegas to plant a church, or one of my other youth pastor friends is moving to England to go to seminary and work in a local church there. People that God is leading that want to be a part of it.
If you would like to be a part of an ongoing dialogue of reading thought provoking books and dialoging about them. Put your email address in a post comment and I will send you a link to a discussion group we have started. There are many of us who sick of what is going on in the American church. I have tried to leave it but I think there is too much potential to stay away from it. I think that we can begin to install some of this passion and excitement that Jesus gave those in the book of acts. With the resources at our disposal we can bring vision that can change both the country and our world.

Building the Church of our dreams

2008-02-26T11:46:00.001-08:00

Our church leadership has been dialoguing about how we can become the church of our dreams. Is this a concept that many of us have thought about? Are there too many problems and issues that we don't even think this is a possibility? As I have been thinking and dreaming about what the church of my dreams would consist of I have been thinking about people and their spare time.
How do people spend their spare time? relaxing, doing something meaningful, or doing something to escape reality. There may be the thought who has spare time. Being involved in and with the church in our spare time is probably not going to enter into most people's mind when we think of ways to spend our spare time.
In the church of my dreams it is not about the facilities or the great preaching or the music but rather it is a change in the mindset of people.
I have had the priviledge in youth ministry to see kids who think church is a viable place to spend their free time. What would happen if the people of the church were worried that if they missed a gathering that God may show up and do something special? Have we ever been a part of that?
That is the church of my dreams. A place were people get so excited about following Jesus that there are stories every week of amazing proportions. I am sure I can go to churches I have visited 5 years ago who have the exact same people sitting in the exact same rows. What does this say about God and us as followers?
I love the show the office.One of the reasons I love the show so much is the bonding that takes place in each and every one of the episodes through some strange and bizarre situation. How bonded is our churches? Maybe it is time to do something as a group to bond together. I talked to a friend of mine yesterday and her dad leads groups through Michigan City Prison. Imagine how much of a bonding experience it would be to take a group of people from your church through a tour of a maximum security prision meet and talk to an inmate about life.
So those are some of the mindsets that would be involved in the church of my dreams.

What vision are we giving people?

2008-02-19T07:54:00.000-08:00

I am in the midst of reading "Banker to the Poor" by Muhammad Yunus. Incredible story and I would highly recommend reading it. It also has a component that makes me extremely sad. Yunus had a great desire to change the culture in Bangladesh, and in thinking about what he could do, so he started a bank and lended money to the poor. He was the one who started the micro-lending craze. The sad part about this book is that one person can change the world. Yunus has done just this with his concepts that many mainstream people dismissed, his ideas has turned around not only Bangladesh but also many other places in the world.
So as Christians and people that are involved in church what message are we giving people? Are we giving them the same message Yunus has given people? He not only came up with a way a plan he acted on it. Yunus was a economics professor at a college. He used many of his former students to help with his bank.
Why is the church largely void of late teens- twenty somethings? Maybe our churches here in America are not very compelling. Maybe the radical visionarries are more intriqued by what can happen outside of the walls of the church. Is it a compliment to say the church is a safe place to be at and go to? If there was a visionary from that twnetysomething age group how would our churches treat them? If someone came into our church that wanted to become a missionary not to the foreign mission field but to the churches neighborhood how would the church respond?
What exactly makes a church healthy? Is it great attendence on sunday? Is it people joining a small group? Is it people giving up addictions? Those are all part of health. But is our life really the process of elimanting things from our lives and not adding anything in return? I am under the presupposition that we are all created to do something in life, and if our churches are just here to make sure we are safe and pure than I don't think we will be successful. If we don't give people a vision that we can change the world and are going to, then why would we be following Christ? Was Christ's vision for the church one of safety? I haven't read anywhere in the New Testament the desire for our churches to be full of people to warm seats. If we are not going to give people a vision to give their lives for then why are we suprised that the church in America is declining?

God sized dreams

2008-02-15T08:20:00.000-08:00

Are we underestimating what can be accomplished through us in this life? Are we playing it safe and taking the same path that many others have taken? Are we expecting different results yet we continually take the same actions?
I am in the midst of reading "Go Big" By Bill Easum. It is a thought provoking read in some senses because we have abilities and power given by God for us to make a difference. The reality of it is many times we don't have the guts or courage to do it.
What should be normal Christian behaivor? If we just safely go to church or serve in a church without creating waves or pushing people to follow God fully is this obedience? Is what people like Jim Elliot and Nate Saint are those extraordinary followers of Christ or were they just people who were willing to obey God?
I love when the question is asked does God still preform miracles? One side of this question may be how often do we even do anything that even puts God in a position to perform a miracle. I am not suggesting testing God but yet at the same time if the Bible is full of stories of "normal" Christians then most of us myself included way below the "normal" mark.
We have not because we ask not. Can this Bible verse be interpreted in the context of vision and does God want us to ask for more vision and to be greater influencers in the world?
Does God bless us when we do ask? I don't know if this is true 100% of the time. I have an interesting story that happened to me while on the plane back from Florida last week. I arrived at the airport in Orlando at 1:30 in the afternoon. My flight was suppose to leave at 4 and I was to be in South Bend at 12 pm. It was going to be a long day but because of weather it became crazy. My plane was delayed but I was able to get assigned to an earlier flight. I ended up flying out of Orlando at 4:30 while in the air over Muncie Indiana we recieved word that we couldn't land at O'Hare after circling Indiana for 3 hours we finally had to land in Indianapolis to refuel. We were not allowed to get off the plane and had to sit on the tarmac until we recieved word we could land. I was joking with some of the guys around me that we should call and order a pizza. It would be pretty entertaining for a pizza guy to try and come through security. I mentioned my idea to a steward and he stopped and asked me if I was hungry? I was and he told me he had something for me. In a minute he brought me this huge salad with blackened chicken on it. I have no idea where it came from but I do know that there were many people around me not happy. This guy passed by my seat and said how come you got first class service? I asked for pizza and ended up with a salad. Are we not accomplishing as much for God as we could because we do not ask?
I preached this week on Nehemiah and the concept was that incrementally we can make a difference and a change. Sometimes it happens slow but it is through these small steps we can make change happen. The subject came for a thought of act like an ant. An Ant builds an anthill through hundreds of ants carrying one piece of sand at a time to build an anthill.
A verse occured to me in the study that I thought a lot about. It is in Matt 17: The verse says if we have the faith of a mustard seed we can move a mountain. I had always thought of this passage meaning change would happen instantanous, and the mountain would just disappear. But what if this change that happens piece of sand by piece of sand. What if this change happens because God gives us a shovel and the mountain moves one shovel full at a time?
Maybe the reason we don't dream God sized dreams is because the change that happens too slowly for us.
The story of Jim Elliot, Nate Saint and the others illustrate this, we have no idea the impact our lives are going to have long after we are gone. When we are willing to go forward God is going to give us some kind of assignment that may change the course of history. The problem may be that God doesn't have enough volunteers.

Who are we really tithing to?

2008-02-12T06:05:00.001-08:00

While at the conference in Orlando last week I heard a pretty sobering statistics. 90% of money used in the average church is used for administration costs. Administration costs include payment of and on the building, staff, and office supplies.
Let us think about this for a minute. 90% of money tithed is used to maintain what is currently happening in the American church. If we were being greatly successful than this wouldn’t be a bad thing, but is this where the church in America is at? Are we seeing great successes and seeing things change? Maybe individual churches but as a whole denominations have been seeing the decrease in both attendance and giving go steadily down. Overall the church in America is marinating at best.
If the church was a company that we were going to invest in would it be a smart investment? How can a church be successful? If the definition is the passage is in Acts 2 then probably not. One of the important aspects of this passage it says that more were added to their numbers daily. How many churches are growing to their numbers daily? I think if the church had a growth than a 100 people from last year to this it would be extraordinary.
Another aspect of the Acts 2 church was that no one had need. If the church is successful what are the needy around us saying about us? There is something I have wanted to say since reading Freakonimcs but I am not that political but I am going to say it anyways. If the church is not going to go out of its way and help the poor and needy around vote democratic because at least the government will help the people out.
Are the changes we make in the church and the money that is spent really going to help add to the numbers of the people in the church and helping the poor? If it is just maintaining I think we may be in some trouble.
I have thought about this a lot and the best analogy I have heard used is that a church service is like a business meeting where we get motivated, informed, and equipped to do our work the rest of the week. This is a very important part of our faith and week. Is this all the church is good for? Churches spend so much time and money on the business meeting that we don’t spend any time on the business itself.
I am saddened when I see the needs all around us, both the spiritual and the physical. I believe that the church is the change agent for God to use on the earth.Would we give to a mission organization that used 90% of its money for administration?

I am kinda of in awe

2008-02-05T19:34:00.000-08:00

I am kinda in awe
I haven't written in awhile. It is isn't because nothing is going on rather it is because I feel part of an out of control movement.
This out of control movement has begun taking over my life. This desire that I have shared about in the past to be part of helping the world and the community I live in has begun to get more supporters.
In sharing my ebay vision dream with others dreams are becoming realities. I have begun to assemble like minded people to form a board. I am meeting with a group on monday to continue to flesh out the legalities in the mean time let me share some of the parts I am excited about.
1. I met with the head of the boys and girls club of goshen last week. I asked them what this organization loosly named HOPE Corp. could do for them? He responded with on half days because of their funding from the government they dont get any financial support to serve lunches at their clubs. For $500 we are going to buy lunch for 300 kids on good friday.
2. Pastor Phil of the love church and I had a good conversation last thursday. I spent a couple of hours with him and he shared how he has just finished writing a book that is coming out April 18. It is titled something along the lines of "God loves the poor." He is so excited about. If you would like to read it I will buy it for you.
3. In suffering for Jesus in florida this week I am attending a conference that Shane Claiborne is at and I had the priviledge to talk with him this morning. He gave me contact information for the head of his financial department and we are going to see if we can colaberate on some projects.
4. Ok this is my best moment of the week and possibly the year. I sold this women in Hollywood Ca some glass doves on ebay. She sent me an email and asked if I could keep down the plastic peanuts and other non plastic material. She wanted to make sure she could recycle. I wrote her back and thanked her for caring about others and that the money she spent to buy the birds was being used to help people in our community and the world out. We got a notification this morning that she gave a $10 donation to our paypal account. I am not so much amazed at the but rather that she gave at all.
I am excited and if you would like to be involved in helping us make a difference please join us.

Church Marketing

2008-01-23T07:30:00.001-08:00

Whether we would like to admit it or not we market God and the church.The question is how? That isn't an intentional part of most churches. Our church spent $0 in intentional advertising. How do churches market themselves.
How many churches have marquees out in front of their churches? This is probably the place that they can talk to more "non churched people" than any other venue. What comes to mind when we see most of those signs? It is either a clever little saying or sermon title for the most part. I don't have a cure all for what would be a good thing on a church sign.
Marketing a church is very different than marketing a product we have to remember we aren't selling people some junk. Although it would be fun to put on a church sign. "Tickets to heaven 1/2 price this week only." I think there may be some double takes from people driving down the road.
Since we aren't trying to sell people a product what are we doing? In essence we are trying to tell/show people that the life we are offering is better than the alternatives they are currently trying. What would happen to them if they dared to step into the building? What would happen if they came to one of our services? Would anything be different in their lives? Would they know they were cared for, would they know that there are people that genuinely want whats best for them? Would they be challenged and inspired to change?
Churches are very interested in growing and wanting new people to come. I just don't think we are very good in knowing how to present it. If it isn't using fear/yelling on the street tactics we are at a loss.
Hear are my two cents on this issue.
1. I think in general non churched people have preconcived notions about what church and church people are like. I don't think these are 100% true but if this is their personal opinion arguing with them is not going to work.
I think we need to show them different. What does our lifestyle say about following Christ? There are two different areas that tell alot about Jesus. How are we dealing with the sins of comission and the sins of omission?
We are very consious of the sins of comission. These are the sins of our lifestyle. This is hammered on quite a bit in churches. How is our life a reflection of Jesus' morality?
The sins of omission are just as important. How are we bringing Jesus' hope into the world? Are we purposefully bringing restoration into peoples lives both in our sphere of influence and our influence around the world?
The way our life reflects both of those is a direct reflection on both Jesus and the church. Yes we are not going to be perfect but if you are someone no wants to be like than our churches will continue to shrink.

2. What does the church offer that is going to help me?
This a question all of us ask in one way or another. We as humans are very selfish, and every thing revolves around me since the day I was born.
So this question is a very important to answer. How are we going to meet needs of unchurched people?
Last night I was in a meeting and we were talking about having a booth at our county fair. In the past the church has done water give aways with the church logo on the side of their water bottles. Other churches started doing that and we as a group were asking the question of how can we meet physical needs at the fair?
One of the groups we specifically want to target is young families. As we were sitting in the meeting I had this strenge thought of how we could meet some of their needs. What if we bought a huge amount of diapers and put a St Marks sticker on the front of each diaper and then gave them away throughout the fair.
As a parent of three children who have just gotten out of the diaper stage, I realize how much money is spent on diapers. I also know the time spent putting diapers on a child where the st marks logo would be a reminder of a church that cares about these peoples needs. There are other aspects of this idea that need to be worked out.
If we are going to meet needs we need to do it because we care not so we can hope that they will join the church so they can give money.
We are in the live changing, bringing hope to people business.
3. Is what these church people believe important enough for me to invest time ,energy, and money into the cause?
Is our churches vision big enough? Are we dreaming God sized dreams? Is the church declining because there isn't enough churches that believe that God put them here for a reason? Would the disciples been willing to give their lives if they had been told to just sit in Jerusalem for the rest of their lives and just tell people about Jesus who walked in their doors? Just a question.

Stories of Teamwork

2008-01-21T08:18:00.000-08:00

Is there stories of team work that emerge from church settings? There are many books written about the desire for the church community working together but I hear very few stories of how team work happens to accomplish a feat greater than the sum of its parts.
This is a generalization but when something great is accomplished a leader will step forward and either intentionally or unintentionally will get the credit and accolaides. Christianity still holds the lone ranger persona when we view pastors and church leaders. A pastor will either start a church from scratch or will change a dying congregation into something magnificiant. We assume that others helped in the process but where are the stories? Where are the stories of a church invested so much in to the mission that they give up the personal glory for a team. Maybe that is the reason we don't hear so many stories because there are very few out there who consciously strive to do this.
In sports often times we will hear of a player who only plays for their own stats to a detrimant to the team. Sports has such a spotlight that we can see a team that works together and a team of individual stars. In interviews athletes will talk with great respect of team mates who sacrifced for the team. Who did the little things in order to make the team succeed. Yesterday in the Patriots football game there were smaller role players who did their jobs in order for them to go to the Super Bowl.
How does this play out in our churches? Where is the teamwork? How often do we sacrifice our opinions, personal goals for the good of the team. If this was a sports team what would our team mates say about us? Are we so concerned with the way we come across that it affects the final outcome?
I think there are great stories of team work and churches working together to accomplish great acts. Maybe the reason they are not told is that they are not as romantic as a knight in shining armor riding into town and saving the world.

A dream beginning to come true

2008-01-17T06:41:00.000-08:00

I have had a goal/desire over the past few years to start a business with the sole purpose of making money for ministry. This idea started even before I left the Real Life. Over the last couple of years the business idea I have pursued- but it wasn't done with the intent to use the money for ministry. Here in Goshen I began sharing this idea with a couple of people and it has begun taking shape.
It is going to be a ebay/book selling business. We have already worked out a deal with selling items from a resale store with items hat would sell better online than in a physical store. We are also in the process of working out a deal with a storage unit of selling stuff from unpaid tennants.
On Tuesday I put a few items I had just sitting around and was so excited because I sold 5 items on half for $200. It is always nice when God reaffirms a dream by blessing us right away. I wish I could say this is always the formula but it isn't.
There is a lot of work to be done. Today I am talking to an accountant who is going to help with the bookkeeping part. There is also a board that I am working on putting together. The money that comes in is both going to be used in the Goshen community, other ministries, and special projects world wide. It is our thoughts,goals, and prayers to be a blessing to both our local community and partner with those around the world who are doing kingdom work.
If you would have items that you would like for us to sell on ebay, we charge a 25% of the final sale price. This money is going directly to ministry and none is used for administration fees. Let us know and we can come pick your items up.

Is Money the Answer?

2008-01-14T07:02:00.001-08:00

Last night as I was standing in line to return my dvd via red box, I saw this grizzley camo clad middle age man buying lottery tickets. From his outer appearance he looked to have lived a rough life. His greying hair was thinning and his teeth looked to have been neglected since the glory days of Night Rider. His camo had some holes in them and his smell was one of cigarettes. As I was taking in his appearance I was thinking what is going to happen to him if he was to win the lottery?
Would his life be everything that he always wanted? Would he be able to accomplish his dreams and go to the places he had only seen pictures of?
After thinking about him I had to ask myself is money the reason we don't accomplish our dreams? Say we were to get a raise or job change that would increase our yearly income by $10,000. If it was in one lump sum we may be more apt to spend on it dreams we have- but since it would be distributed throughout the year in our paycheck we have a very slim chance of spending it on anything important. We may think that we need a new car with the payments being roughly $200 more a month, we may upgrade cable or go to dish tv with that being another $40 a month. The money may disappear a little more with going out to eat at $150 a month. Of course we need another cell phone that is going to make it easier to communicate with each other at $100 a month. Just with those seemingly insignificant life style changes we have just spent $5,880 a year. More than half the money that we would recieve has been spent in ways that has upgraded our lives how?
When we make more money what happens? We change our life styles. There are always more things we want with other gadgets and trinkets that would make our lives so much better. Are our habits going to change if we make more money? Lets face it most of us need to make fundamental changes in our personal finances if we are going to accomplish our dreams.
Money is not the reason we don't do a lot of things in life. It is a convienent excuse but the reality is that spending is the reason we don't accomplish our dreams.
Would grizzly camo mans life be better if he wins the lottery? He may have all the cigarettes he wanted and the 1984 trans am that is pictured hanging on his wall.

Day Trading in Prison

2008-01-11T07:27:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the first day I met with my prison mentee. It has been a long time coming. Between paperwork and other delays it took 3 months for us to get together. So in our 2 hour meeting yesterday I learned a lot about him and more about prison life.
When I asked him what he had been up to recently. He responded saying "taking college classes from Grace- which he is looking to end up with a bachelors in Business and he took a class on day trading." Of course the day trading comment sparked my interest so I asked him to expound on the topic.
He explained how there was a class on day and stock trading - in the class there was both an outside teacher and an inmate that shared about their stock trading experiences. I don't know the legal implications to this nor do I really want to.Many of the prisoners have stock accounts and do a fair deal of trading. He said prisoners make good traders because of their patience. So I asked the obvious what are you going to do with the money if you make money. He told me that there is a few of them in the honors dorm that want to help fund Christian ministries through their stock money.
I have no idea if this plan of theirs will work, but if it does, it is utterly bizzare and would be a very interesting way for your ministry to recieve money. I asked how he would keep up on the markets, and he said some of the inmates recieve the wall street journal and they have bloomberg tv, along with cnbc.
As we were talking about the type of ministries they would support and start- one of the ones he mentioned was an after school program for troubled teens. As he was talking about that I asked him: would that have made a difference in the choices you had made in your life? Or if there was anything else that could have changed his outcome? (His earliest possible release date at this point in time is 2079. He would be 103. He has been incarcerated since 1998.) He looked at me and said "I have no excuse. I came from a good home that took me to church and I knew about God. I got saved at a summer camp, and I just made wrong choices."
I told him after he said this that it was comforting to hear that he wasn't making excuses for him being in prison, but as a natural helper it is hard to think that there may not have been anything that could be changed from some people making the wrong decisions.
Out of respect for him I don't want to use his name.- But I would like for you to keep him in your prayers. One of the things he said he strives to do is a good influence to the other inmates. The interesting thing about our conversation that lasted 2+ hours is he never mentioned life when he gets out. He is concerned with the life he lives now and how he can serve God and be he best follower he can be.
One of his close friends and another guy who was in my purpose driven life class last month tried to commit suicide and it has been very tough on their whole dorm. Keep this church in your prayers.

Is it wrong for the church to make money?

2008-01-09T11:47:00.000-08:00

I have been bothered of how churches finances have been run since I have been a youth pastor. How many people really understand how church finances run?
In saying what I am about to say. I do believe in God, and miracles, I believe God is in control of situations.
I also belive that God has given us minds, creative ideas, and the opportunity to generate money for God's work and kingdom.
Churches are dependent on each of their congragents desire and ability to listen to God. If these people are willing to listen to God and pay the traditional 10% tithe then it can keep a church in business. Churches base their budgets on either pledges for the year, or figuring out a budget from last years numbers.
When a church is looking to build a new building or to raise money it goes back to the people that are tithing and look to get more money from these sources.
If the money is not raised does that mean that God is not apart of the plan? The answer many times is immediately yes or that people are not following God.
What if churches started thinking more strategically in making money. What if they thought creativly and found other revenue sources other than the congregation? Is this wrong?
I know in some circles this is a taboo topic. I am not suggesting making more money so the pastor can get paid more, I am suggesting generating more money so more ministry can happen.
Let me share some of my brainstorming ideas that are not refined ideas but rather starts.
Advertising income-
This is something that would have to be well researched before embarking but there are many companies who support and given in kind donations with their companies logo on it. I have seen many gym scoreboards sponsored by pepsi or coke. What about the church van being corporatly sponsored. It will have to be companies that first off are not going to make the message of the church compromised but also someone you are proud to support.
Why isn't this done more? Other than the above mentioned fears. I think that churches in general are not organized enough to have a plan to present to an organization or business.

Grants-
I can answer why churches don't do this more. The vision is so small that we have any need for grants.
Fundraising through sales-'
Of course there is the bake sale and the occassional rummage sale for youth trips etc. But what if churches intentionally started businesses through their church in order to raise money for missions on a continual basis?
For instance an ebay store or a book selling business. With donations from both the church participants and the community, and or a relationship with a resale shop the amount of money raised could be 300% times what is raised from an occassional bake sale and rummage sale.
Using the building as a resource-
Again this gets into a sticky area of what events and things that promote the church's values. With a resource of a building that in most cases is used sundays and wednesday nights with some creative thinking could make money for the church throughout the rest of the week.
When I was at real life and we did concerts. We brought in over $2,000 one night. These events was both a positive event for the community of teens and it helped pay for our annual ski trips.

Yes there is a lot of work that would go into doing any of this- but lets think about what we want to accomplish. Is maintaining an option? If we are going to be a viable option in many people's lives having a God shaped vision needs to be part of it. With that vision comes a cost and hopefully these few ideas can and will help you out.

Misconceptions

2008-01-05T08:16:00.000-08:00

How often does the grass look greener on the other side? How often do we lament decisions that we made because we thought we could get a better deal, improve our life situation, or make more money? I met someone last week that had one of the biggest misperceptions I have heard in awhile.
This open mic night had the regular cast of characters. Some of the same people I had seen in Portage over the past 5 years. People still wishing to make it big by singing everything from originals to Sweet Home Alabama. The people who attend are almost as interesting as the musicians themselves. At this particular open mic night there was a person who was a little out of place. He wasn't there because he was a want to be John Mayer or was in love with the musicians, or though wearing girl jeans was still in style. No he was there because he didn't have anywhere else to go before his shift started at a gas station. Beshawn is a 22 year old from Egypt. He moved to this country a little over a year ago. One of my friends befriended Beshawn and became friends because he could speak Arabic. My friend Nasser and Beshawn playfully fought in Arabic through out the evening. Beshawn's story is one of misperceptions. I aksed why he came to America? This is the story he told me in broken English and with help from my Arabic translator Nasser.
"I came to America because of a lottery. My country has an online lottery that people can enter to win a green card to come to America. I won the chance to come here and was so excited. I was excited because America is such a "DEVOTED" Christian nation. "
This last statement really sparked my interest so I had to inquire more.He told me this part of the back story of his life.
"My father is a pastor of a Coptic church in Egypt. I was studying to be a pastor when I won the lottery. Egypt is mostly a Muslim nation and it can be difficult being a Christian there. I wanted to come here and practice my faith freely and meet more devoted Christians. Our church services are 7 hours long and their were 21 Christians in my town killed last year because of there faith."
And Beshawn wanted to come to be in a place that was more devoted to God. How much would our attendence at church change if we met for 7 hours or had 21 people in our town killed because of their faith?
Beshawn's misperception was what he thought he was getting when he came to America. Very few people have the faith or devotion that Beshawn has.I would love for him to speak at not only my church but anyone else that would have him- but he turned down my request. He said he would visit but not speak.
I need to do more research on Coptic denomination but theologically it believes the basics that mainstream Christianity does.
Pray for Beshawn, he doesn't know many people here in America, he lives with 3 other middle eastern's whose goal in America is sleeping with American women and partying.

Where does logic come in?

2008-01-04T07:32:00.000-08:00

Is being logical a Christian characteristic? I would like to think it is a highly desirable characteristic of one who wants to emulate Jesus- but I am not sure.
What would God have against logic? This is not a definitive answer but maybe it has something to do with the fact that logic can make us think we are self reliant. Logic is how we make most of our decisions in life. This is our internal rudder which guides us through our life. I am not sure there is an absolute logic but rather a logic that comes from eaches experience,guidance, cultures standards, and our belief system. When a situation approaches we use this logic to help navigate to the right decision.
So why would the Bible be full of people who made total illogical decisions in order to obey God? Why would God ask those who are obedient to Him to make these decisions?
I preached on Joseph- Jesus earthly father on Sunday. In studying Joseph he was a righteous man meaning he held high regards to the laws and worked very hard in studying them. Why on earth did God ask Him to marry a women who was pregnant? He could have legally had her stoned which by God's law was totally acceptable. Even before the angel appeared to him in a dream his response was to divorce her quietly.
In most stories in the Bible God asked people to trust Him more than their logic. This is by far the toughest task God asks us to do. It is quick to define someone smart or stupid by how they use their logic. If I had lived in the time of Noah would I have viewed him as someone with a whole lot of logic? I would like to say great you are listening to God let me help you build your ark.
What do we do when someone says they heard God yet it defies logic? There are many of us who justify our actions by saying God told me- but what about those who really do hear from God? Are we so use to listening to the logic we wouldn't even know God's voice? Would we even listen if He did say something that went against the logic.
I know in my life it is much harder to listen to God than the logic that governs my life.

What about those of us who didn't like school?

2008-01-02T06:43:00.000-08:00

What would church be like if it was based on a different structure other than the American education system? Even as the education system is realizing the need for change in order for children to learn better is the church taking notice?
Even as schools better utilize technology and in some areas more practical teaching such as vocational programs can the church change also?
Should the church also? These are many of the questions that have been going through my head as I dug out of snow numerous times yesterday.
No, I have not done a complete study of the educational system in America and contrasted it with the church and the way it is constructed, but I think on the outside there are enough similarities to see that roughly they were based on the same structure.
If people are good at school, growing up in church will probably come easy to them. If one can focus,concentrate, and learn from a lecture style scenerio they will be much more apt to succeed in both settings.
But what about those who don't learn or thrive in these situations? I read a book a couple of years called Why men hate church. A better title would have been why don't active learners like church. The book in great detail talked about how church is mainly geared for those who learn in the above mentioned settings and those who enjoy sitting around and talking.
That leaves out a whole lot of the population, if someone does not fall into those catagories would they have the tendencies to think that God/Christianity wasn't for them? There is a very good chance.
When we look at our church families who do we see missing? Where are the artists, the leaders, those that think outside the box? Those are just a few of the type of people that I have seen missing from churches that I have been a part of.
Even as we emulate a educational system that is failing, are we going to have the courage to change our opinion of the basic structure of the church in order to better accomplish our mission?

I want a Tiger Cub for Christmas

2007-12-21T07:37:00.000-08:00

I have just finished reading Freakonomics. An stimulating and thoughful read by an Economy professor from University of Chicago. There is a part of this book that is fairly controversial that I want to share and then share my thoughts on it.
Freakonomics page 4
In 1995 the criminologist James Fox wrote a report for the U.S. attorney general that grimley detailed the coming spike in murders by teenagers. Fox proposed optimistic and pessimistic scenerios.In the optimistic scenerio, the rate of teen homocides would rise another 15% over the next decade. In the pessimistic scenerio it would double.
Other criminologists,political scientists, and similarly learned forcasters laid out the same horrible future as did president Clinton.
And then instead of going up and up and up, crime began to fall, fall, and fall some more. The crime rate drop was startling in several respects. It was ubiquitous, with every category of crime falling in every part of the country.
The magnitude of the reversal was astounding. The teenage murder rate instead of rising 100% or even 15% as James Fox had warned, fell more than 50% within 5 years. By 2000 the overall murder rate in the U.S. dropped to it's lowest level in 35 years.
Why?
Pg 6 Freakonomics
It wasn't gun control, a strong economy or new police strategies that finally blunted the crime wave. It was among other factors, the reality that the pool of potential criminals had drasctically shrunk.
How you may you ask?
The decision of Roe V Wade or the legalization of Abortion.
As far as crime is concerned, it turns out that not all children are born equal, not even close. Decades of studies have shown that a child born into an adverse family enviorment is far more likely than other children to become a criminal. And the millions of women most likely to have an abortion in the wake of Roe V. Wade- poor unmarried and teenage mothers for whom illegal abortions had been too expensive or too hard to get were often model's of adversity.
They were the very women whose children if born, would have been much more likely than average to become criminals. But because of Roe V Wade these children were not being born. This powerful cause would have a drastic distant effect years later, just as these unborn children would have entered their criminal primes, the rate of crime began to plummet.
The author later compares the millions of aborted babies to the crime that is prevented and those of us who are pro-life would find the scales do not equal out.
No, reading this did not change my mind about being pro-life, but what it did make me think about is all of us who are pro life who do very little after the baby is born.
It is like the proverbial little girl who wants a tiger cub from her parents for Christmas. It is a great present until the cub grows into a full grown Tiger and they have no idea of how to control it.
There are many questions that have went through my head after reading this. Is the church prepared to help 1.7 million at risk children? The majority of the children do not come from ideal home situations.
If we were to talk a young teenage mom out of abortion and she decided to keep the baby. Would we critize her parenting techniques? Would we critize her if she became a stripper or on welfare to support the baby? And what if the baby because of the circumstances did turn out to be a criminal would we visit them in jail?
Our job is no where near done when a person decides against abortions. The fight has just started and where are we when the battle rages?

Steriods and Baseball... my two cents

2007-12-16T12:14:00.000-08:00

I wrote an article for Helium.com about baseball and steriods. Enjoy:)
Are we shocked? Of course we are not suprised by the findings. If we look at the statistics of the average major leaguer in the 1990s to that of the average mlb player from the 1970's we would see a huge difference. We have been told that it is because of the tightness of the baseball, the use of the wood in the bats or the air in Colorado. Of course we could say the size of the players over the years. Maybe we should have thought something was amiss when Hans and Frans were regulars in our favorite teams clubhouse. What is the most suprising with the Mitchell report? In my mind it is the fact that more major leaguers were not named. The question is does it matter? Absolutely not. People are saying it does not matter. They are saying that by stepping up and buying tickets at record paces over the past few years. Last year attendence records were set yet again.
America likes this brand of baseball. We like seeing robo/humans play a game. The biggest part of baseball that attracts me along with many others is the numbers. It is exciting to think that you can view and be a part of history. I went out and bought tickets to see Bonds during his home run chase. People booing along with snapping pictures. It is taboo to like Bonds yet we love the history and legacy of what he is doing. We hate him yet we can't turn away.
Is this going to change baseball forever? Probably, but is baseball going to keep it's popularity? Absolutely. While we waited to see which players would be named in the Mitchell report, I had a conversation with a friend of mine. We discussed which player would suprise us if they were named in the report. One name would have suprised me. Derek Jeter, and I am a Red Sox fan. Derek Jeter is the one player who I have respect for as a person and one superstar whose body doesn't look part Terminator. I don't care what these players are like as people. I don't care what Curt Schilling's advice on American policy is. I am not going to listen if they told me they didn't do steriods or HGH. I think we should treat them as they should be treated. They are millioniares who have compromised their own lives for the money. Which players do we want on our favorite teams because of their intelligence? I can't think of one. As the Red Sox try and get Johan Santana am I thinking I hope he is a person of integrity or he supports my political views? I could care less. The Sox should get him because he would help them repeat as champions.
In conclusion are we shocked when 20 somethings are enticed to help their job by taking a drug? I don't think many of us have the integrity to turn down a wonder drug that would help us make millions. Baseball will live on, we just have to remember that that robo-humans that play the game have given up alot for our entertainment

No innocent bystander

2007-12-01T07:56:00.000-08:00

I am convinced that the main people that we show mercy, help or feel sorrow for are the people in our view who are innocent. It is hard to have mercy or help those that we think that deserve their status in life, whether that be prison, homeless, have some STD etc. If we can convince ourselves this person deserves our help than we help them, but if they are in their prediciment by their own doing so long.
Case in point if we come upon a homeless person what is the first thought? I am not going to give them money because they are going to spend it on booze or drugs. We are justifying it in our minds that they do not deserve mercy. I am not saying that they wont spend it on booze because there is the chance.
Why are we more likely to send money to a mission organization who supports poor African children? We think they deserve it, they didn't do anything to deserve their situation. This may be partially true, but is this really the thought process that God wants his people to have when dolling out mercy and grace.
Does our charity need to have anything to do with who we think are worthy or not? I just finished reading two books: one on self justification (it was along the lines of blink and the tipping point) and the other on two guys who decided to become homeless for 5 months to see how life was like on the streets.
Human nature is strange, in the self justification book (I cant remember the name of it) there is a whole chapter on the criminal justice system and many examples of the ends justifying the means. Such as a police officer raids a house and the people flush the drugs down the toilet, in order to still arrest them they drop some planted drugs in the house in order to arrest the people. In their minds it justifies putting them in jail because obviously they were guilty. This book went on to share stories and stats about how when a police officer will change his tactics if he/she believes one is guilty, and if the officer believes the defendent is guilty every piece of evidence will be held in that light.
This is the way we live, if we believe something and some piece of evidence is brought up to refute this, we tend to refute the evidence rather than change our views. We have all done it, we have stubornly stood up for faulty thinking even in the light of new evidence, we don't want to admit we are wrong.
Now putting that into the context of our thinking of the poor and needy lets try for a second to use the example of Jesus. Does he at any point try and justify his giving to the deserving? Does he try and justify why he helped some and not others? Self justification in my mind is not a trait of Jesus. When we self justify is it to convince others or our self?
In the other book I read it the two men on their journey through America being homeless. They were the most suprised at their being treated by the church. They were looked down upon and told not to come to certain functions because of their apperance. It is hard to have for many of us to have compassion on the homeless because we have been told that these people don't deserve our compassion and sympathy.
Let's face it none of us are innocent bystanders, I am glad Jesus didn't just die for those He thought deserved it.

I wish my ball was still red

2007-11-26T08:59:00.000-08:00

I remember as a kid we would buy red balls that were some sort of strange material and even though they were not that much fun for us to play with the dog loved them. For whatever reason the dog thought they were very tasty and we would find these balls months later hidden under couches, in the basement or any other place the dog thought would be safe. After the dog was done these balls would have little assemblance to the ball we had originally bought. There was little if any red left on them, they had huge holes, bite marks, and drool all over them.
I think the Samaritan women who Jesus talked to at the well might have felt like the bouncy ball the dog had chewed up. I wasn't there so I can't say for certain but she seems like the type of women who had made some questionable decisions, it may have been her fault that she had been married numerous times and was living with a man who was not her husband. When Jesus said I came to give life and life to its fullest, was he talking about a life with freedom to be involved in this type of lifestyle? I don't know I have never lived or slept with anyone other than my wife but I would think the Samaritan's women life had to have been pretty rough. If that society was like ours I am sure "the good people" gossiped about her, some of the men tried to get their way with her because she was "easy' and I am sure her self worth was shot.
After Jesus gives her the freeing words of His message what happens? Does her life miracously change? We never hear another word about her. I don't think she is the point in the application of this story, how many women do we know in this similiar situation? How many women wish there proverbial ball was still red? How many wish they still had a whole life but because of situations beyond their control they are down and out? I was visiting my family in Vermont and I saw my sister. My sister does not want much to do with my family, God, or any of the such. It makes giving a lecture pretty pointless. I am at a loss at what to do other than love her through her situation. I don't know if she will make it out. I hope and pray she will but it looks bleak. This story of the Good Samaritan gives me hope for people like my sister.
On my 13 hour trip home from Vermont (while my kids were watching every possible disney movie) I was thinking of my sister and women like her. I was thinking later on in life, after a lengthy conversation with my wife. I was thinking it would be a worthwhile thing if I became employed as a security guard at a strip club. Why may you ask? Let's think about the scenerio of a strip club it is full of women who feel pretty lousy about themselves who are using the desires of men to pay for food on their tables for their kids. I don't think many women become strippers because it is an appealing profession. It is very easy to judge these women and condemn them but lets think what we as a Christian community are providing as alternatives. I hate what my sister has become, I hate that the Samaritan women was so despised but what do I do about it? Of course I am not going to go work in a strip club but it doesn't mean that these women are worthless.

The final outcome

2007-11-05T08:51:00.000-08:00

I am always thinking and concerned about what my final outcome will be. As I think about what this new venture in Goshen will be I don't know what the final outcome will be. I think about when I was 25 and just starting at real life, the responsibility the prestege of working in a church of the size and the youth group. I was excited to think after Real Life what opportunities would open up after that. Now seven years later I look back and think what happened. I am now starting over. I have no idea how to measure success in a church setting. If I was to measure it financially I was making $10 an hour at the group home I was working at. In this new venture I am making just over half what I was making at Real Life. But, I can't look at what I am doing in terms of finance. I can't look at St Marks in terms of numbers either. I am inheriting a youth group of about 10% the size of Real Life. It is hard from a logical perspective of what has happened. This makes no sense at all from a human perspective.
I don't have an agenda of where my life is going to go. I really don't have a goal of what I want to accomplish at St Marks, I don't have all of these concerns of where this job is going to take me.
I am more concerned with the person I am and who I become rather than what goals and accolaids I get. Do I want to be successful? Absolutely, but the outcome I am looking for is just different now as oppossed to when I was 25. Sometimes rather many times when following God it doesn't make much sense and God's definition of success is something that we can only scratch our heads at. At least God hasn't asked me to build an ark (see noah), marry a prostitute (see Hosea), or any other number of things He asked people in the Bible to do.

So, The Red Sox won the world series

2007-10-29T08:44:00.000-07:00

Ho hum, this is becoming a habit winning, you would think the Sox have become the Yankees. Oh wait any child in kindergarten and younger have lived on this earth without ever knowing the Yankees as world champions.
I wrote the day after opening day that this was not going to be the Red Sox year. I thought there offense was old and past their prime. I was wrong.
I am glad this series did not go 7 games, the lack of sleep is starting to get to me.
In 2004 I was able to see the Sox play in one spring training game and 3 regular season games, including being in Boston to see Schilling win his 20th game.
2007 I was able to go to 2 spring training games, 1 regular season game, and the last loss they had for the year in Cleveland.
I am a proud member of Red Sox nation.

Comments

2007-10-22T19:16:00.000-07:00

I have changed the comments to let anyone who wishes can leave a comment and not just registered users.

Happiness comes in all shapes and sizes

2007-10-22T07:35:00.000-07:00

One of my biggest growth projects for my life over the last few years is to find peace in quietness, in the small moments of life, and spending time with family and friends. I tend not to live a peaceful existance, I tend to be busy, waste money on things/experiences that will bring me peace and not spend time in the quiet.
Ok, Last night my happiness came in the loudness of the culture of American sports. As much as I want to stay away from consumerism and all the junk that goes along with the sports business, I can't quit the Red Sox. Last night was beautiful. There is beauty in baseball. :) (I did tell one of the kids I work with at Christian Haven that there is no hugging on a football field but I think there can be exceptions on the baseball field). Unfortunately the Red Sox have begun to shed some of the loveable loser mentality. When I was in Cleveland the fans were razing us about trying to buy a championship team. The Red Sox are becoming a different team than when I was growing up. If it gets too bad I may become a Royals fan. Until then I am going to savor this day and all the days until they destroy the Rockies.
In our decision to move to Goshen, Jill and I want to take a step back in life. Not, that Valparaiso is the fastest paced place in the world. We (ok more me) want to buy an old farm house in the middle of the country by Goshen. We have talked a lot about adopting one more little rascal if not more. I wasn't thrilled with it at first but then I started thinking of the reasons I didn't want to and all of them were selfish reasons. It is going to be a work for me but I want to be able to find peace and happiness in living in the country spending more time with family and friends and not trying to fill up my life with busyness, stuff, and food.
When this transpires you are all invited to spend time with our clan. :) I believe that there is much ministry that God has called me to do, but more than that I believe He has called me to teach and live out a more peaceful less busy life for myself and my kids.

Decision

2007-10-18T09:32:00.001-07:00

I wanted to keep you all updated on my process and status with youth for christ fundraising and what was going to happen next. In two months I raised 2% of the funds I would need. I have been working 3-11 tuesday-saturday at a theraputic treatment centerfor children and teens. I have actually enjoyed the work but 3-11 is a horrible shift to work especially with kids in school. I knew this wasn't goingto be a long term solution so I have been able to deal with it. With only 2% of the money, I had a couple of different choices, I could send out another letter, I could work 1/4 time and hope money would come along with my 3-11 job or I could see this as maybe a door closing. I chose that this is a sign the door was closing. I didn't want to live in limbo any longer than I had too, this scenerio is fairly tough on the family and It wasn't my desire to work like this for the next year.We have had numerous opportunities come up in the past two months and one really made sense. So we are moving to Goshen, and i am going to be working in an inner city type church that is strongly missions/outreach/church planting minded. I am going to be a youth pastor there.There is a couple of other reasons that Goshen made sense to us, my parents bought a house in Goshen about 6 months a go, and my brother and family lives about 20 minutesfrom there. My wife also can get a job being a dental hygienist in the office she worked at 8 years ago when we lived in Ligonier. We have a peace about this decision, we still need to sell our house and at this point of the year it is going to take a miracle. We believe God has opened this door and we believeHe is going to work out that part also.

Tuesday night can not come soon enough.

2007-10-13T09:01:00.000-07:00

I do dumb things fairly frequently. It is tough for me not to be spontanous, my personality profile likens me to a dog who is into everything always curious. With that said I bought Red Sox playoff tickets for Tuesday night in Cleveland. In one of the many deals I have made with my wife, I made a deal to go to a Red Sox playoff game this year if it wasn't "too" expensive and I didn't have to a week off of work. Both of those feel into place for next tuesday night. Along with my myself I convinced my brother (not to hard) and two of my softball buddies to go.
I am sure I will write about my experiences after Tuesday, also next week I will be making an announcement on my future and it does involve sled dogs, the artic circle, and an igloo.

What is the real problem?

2007-10-09T07:46:00.001-07:00

As a youth pastor I spent so much time dealing with teen behavior. Most talks Youth pastors give are about behaviors, they are about sex, not doing drugs and staying away from alcohol. Behaviors have to be dealt with or else utter chaos occurs. Where do these behaviors come from? How can they be dealt with in a way that really creates change? If we as the Christian community are being effective in the way we deal with problems then why is the world or more importantly America declining in "Christian morals"? In my mind in just dealing with behaviors we are never getting to the root cause of the problem. By the time it has become a behavior it has gotten past being just a thought, it has traveled through the process of a feeling that has now been acted upon.
Why do any of us pick unhealthy habits? Example: smoking, porn, unhealthy relationships, abuse of alcohol, or even biting our finger nails? Is it a coping skill that we have used in order to make us feel better on the inside? I am pretty sure most of us don't pick up destructive habits on purpose. We don't one day say my life is good but I would rather be an addict. In my mind these behaviors are just an outpouring of the emotions that are going on in the inside. When some one hurts us what do we do? This action we do to deal with this feeling is a coping skill and it can become a cycle in dealing with pain, hurt, or even anger. We may subconsiously do these because this is a habit we picked up many years ago, or we not know a better coping skill than what we currently do. We may think that when we get angry at least I didn't punch some one instead I drank 17 beers and I am not driving anywhere. Ok in some ways that may be a more positive coping skill but there are still going to be negative effects from that coping skill.
As I have thought about Christianity and behaviors I think that we need to continue to extend grace to people. If we want people to deal with things in a more healthy way we have to teach them. We also have to realize that we have coping skills of our own that are not 100% healthy. Next time you feel stressed see what the first thing you do is? It may not be alcohol, it may not be going and getting a gun, but does your dog have broken ribs?

Who makes a good youth worker?

2007-10-02T08:41:00.000-07:00

I was in training for working with at risk kids a couple weeks ago. The trainer was experienced in both church youth work and thereputic systems. This training was some of the best that I had in working with teens. Throughout the two week training we had some dialogues about different aspects of teens. One of the questions I asked him was who makes a good youth worker? It was a question I had asked myself many times while being in church ministry. When I asked the question the trainer smiled and wrote this on the white board: selfless and selfish. He went on to explain in his experience and knowledge about teens there are two types of people in this world selfish people - who only think about themselves, and selfless people- those who think about others. He said that anyone who has some degree of selflessness makes good youth workers. I was thinking youth workers needed some sort of skill and some natural bend toward teens, but in reality it is true. Anyone who is willing to give of their time, listen, comfort, and genuinely care can make good youth workers. The most important thing that I learned through this training is that the number 1 skill when working with at risk kids is myself. I can learn programs, I can learn descalating techniques, and I also learned restraints, but when it comes down to it either I can be selfish or selfless. The one that I choose is going to determine if I am successful in working with teens. Of course when choosing a mate, friend, a new place to work, employee etc it is good advice to also pick the one who is selfless.

The Ideal Person- Lessons learned from commercials

2007-10-01T07:45:00.000-07:00

Commercials on tv are trying to sell us some sort of product, car, food, toy, etc. I don't know if any of us consciously buy because of these but it may influence it to look twice at a product. I have become more interested in the type of people who are trying to sell us these products. If these items we are to buy is the american dream then the type of people represented in the commercials are the ideal Americans.
What are the characteristics of the people in commercials? In the brief stetches what type of attributes are being shown and encouraged for us to be like? I first starting watching the business related commericials this way. There are certain ways that I think about business and sales people, and most of them are not positive. Words that come to mind are egotistical, liars, hard nosed, only out for number one to name a few. In commercials these characteristics are not encouraged if someone is this way, they are the "villians" of the commercial. The people who win in business commercials are people with a smile, who talk so the customer can understand, and seem to genuinely want what is best for customer.
To cars, sports, and beer commercials. These commercials are geared to help with the experience. Car commercials are never about the vehicle itself, it is about where you can go and the experience you can have with it. In these commericials the "hero" most of the time seems to have a relaxed attitude. We can only assume the experiences he/she is having in the vehicle are after a long day at work or when they go on vacation. This is helping to relieve their stress. We can see the same with beer and sports related commercials. These products are going to enhance their times of relaxation. The "hero" of the commericials are usually someone we would want to be like in their interaction with others and their care free attitude. Of course there are the commericials that only there to make us laugh but usually we feel sorry for the "hero" because they are a loveable fellow.
After watching quite a few commercials I have found that Americans still value the fruits of the spirit shown through people's lives. The majority of the "heros"depicted in commericials are loving,joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, long suffering, and self controled. Along with these attributes, I think there also is a general sense that the ten commandments are important. Beyond the fact that commercials don't encourage, stealing, murder, adultry (whether it be married or not monogomous relationships are the norm),or bearing false witness against your brother. They do encourage rest where I think the sabbath plays a part in that. The use of the Lord's name in vein is not used, and for the most part when families are depicted the children are respectful. The one that in my mind can be debatable is the lusting after someones stuff. I can see both sides of that played out in commercials.
Again this is just my short observation and I may be wrong, but I honestly think that consciously or subconsciously advertisers still see that Americans do want to be the types of people that the Bible tells us to be. Anyone elses observations are welcome.

Perception

2007-09-27T07:07:00.000-07:00

Last night at my work in the group home, there had been some kids who had extremely bad days/weeks. When I arrived for my 3-11 shift the kids were on their version of lockdown. They call it "room reflection." They are only allowed out of their rooms for meals and school. They had been pretty difficult to deal with over the weekend (or so I hear). There is one certain child about 10 who really pushes the buttons of the staff. I have seen him in his glory and he is pretty difficult. Yesterday he was having one of his bad days. He was cussing, running around, and not doing what he was told. Driving everyone nuts. So I was watching the hallway to make sure the kids were not doing anything that would hurt themselves and others. And this one certain kid that was acting so bad started singing softly to himself. I couldn't tell what he was singing at first but then I realized he was singing amazing grace. I don't think anyone else heard it, but it took me aback and put this kids life into perspective. Here he is being an absolute pain in the butt but yet there is something there that I can relate to in my relationship with God.
Lets just assume for a second that all of us have guardian angels. Can you imagine the reports they would give to God each day on our attitude or our actions? God might turn to them and smile and say I know they are a pain in the butt, they do dumb things but they still are my kid. I almost started crying when I heard this kid singing amazing grace. He had no idea the theological implications for singing this song, but grace is for him even though he drives me more crazy than certain middle schoolers at real life.

Consumer fly wheel

2007-09-24T06:49:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I have been reading "Serve God Save the planet" by J. Sleeth. If you are in the mood to be convicted about your lifestyle than read it, if not stay far away.
How did my life style and thinking on what was appriopriate consumerism thinking evolve? In comparing myself to the American dream I would say we are ok. Not to much of an extravagent lifestyle, no credit card debt. Nothing that gives a huge warning sign. Yet subtly there are so many ways that my lifestyle can improve to help both my consumerism and the enviorment.
There were some aspects of Sleeth's book that got me thinking. One was if every household in America changed their top five most used light bulbs to compact flourescent lightbulbs the country could take twenty one coal fired power plants off line tomorrow. This would keep one trillon pounds of posionous gases and soot out of the air we breath. Another thought from the book was how much stuff in my house do I have or even need? His presuppisition is that the reasons Americans have such big houses is to store unneeded stuff. Bigger houses=More energy spent= More pollution in the air= more cancer and other air breathing diseases.
I haven't thought much about enviormental issues, but I am beggining to realize that the way I treat consumerism, the enviorment, and what kind of world I want to leave to my kids and grandkids is a direct result of my faith. It starts with consumerism, the more we want the more unhealthy we become.

Bringing heaven to earth

2007-09-22T09:57:00.000-07:00

It is so easy for me to lose focus. Plans, ideas, and days start off with great intentions and then all of sudden I am sidetracked and worrying about something totally unimportant.
Update on my current youth for christ situation. Fundraising has not went well, if I was to try and live on what I have brought in I would be making pennies an hour. So I have been discouraged by that and not from people, because ultimately if this is what I am suppose to do God is going to provide. Knowing that this was going to be a long process I am working at a group home with troubled kids. The schedule right now is 3-11 tuesday-saturday. It is a lot tougher schedule than I originally thought. With Kyle in school this morning is the first time I saw him since monday. So I haven't been in the greatest of moods.
So with all that said my current frame of mind has sucked to say the least. I went to a meeting yesterday and I was in an awful mood. It was with one of my former co workers at Real Life. After sitting there for an hour I began to remember and realize why I am where am. It wasn't negative thoughts it was remembering the idealism of "bringing heaven to earth." How and where I make money is irrevalent (unless of course it is immoral or illegal). The point is that if I am going to follow Jesus and He is my role model than I need to be like Him. One of the most important aspects of His life was healing broken people and inspiring people not to live for themselves.
Although I have seen people physically healed, I have seen so many more people who are broken on the inside. Seeing a teenager who has special needs and doesn't know who his parents are because they dropped him off when he was a baby, that is someone who needs healing. He needs to have heaven brought to earth for him.
It is easy to get sidetracked in the Christian faith. We can get so caught up in going to classes, church services, and missing out on having the opportunity to be able to bring heaven to broken people.
Many times I get so caught up in details I miss the big picture.

A weekend of camping gone bad

2007-09-03T14:39:00.000-07:00

Labor day weekend is the annual family camping trip to Plymouth's Yogi Bear camp ground, it is a celebration of Kyle's and my sister in laws birthday. Camping isn't bad once a year, it is always interesting meeting people at camp grounds. Like the guy who was talking to me and this other sports fan. He was concerned about the Bears new tight end who pulled his ACLU.
Camping was going as well as camping goes until this morning. The pop up camper was put away and we had hooked up the car, gathered all the kids and other camping junk into the car when I noticed Kyle had bug bites all over him. His face began swelling as we drove down the road. Our plan was to stop at the nearest store and get benadryl. A few miles later Kyle tried to ask for a drink, his voice sounded weird so Jill turned around and realized he was having an allergic reaction and his throat was swelling. My father in law was following us and we stopped and Jill and Kyle jumped into their car to rush him to the hospital. His throat kept swelling shut and they had to call 911 and an ambulance had to meet them on the road. They reached the ambulance before he went unconsious but was in pretty bad shape. He recived an epi shot, benadryl, and a steriod to fight off the allergic reaction. He was in the hospital in the large town of Knox for a couple of hours and was released.
I hate the feeling of not having control when it comes to my kids. This has been about the third time already in Kyle's life where he has had "life threatening" type situation come up. I feel like an emotional wreck now. It definately puts life in perspective when these type of situations come up. As I was driving behind Jill thinking about how I always complain about camping I realize how little that matters when it comes to life or death with my kids.
It is also through these moments that having a faith in something much bigger than myself also helps quite a bit. (understatement). I am still trying to learn about not having control in these situations but man it is hard and I have very little fingernails.(I have chewed them off).

The little moments of life

2007-07-03T07:23:00.000-07:00

I shouldn't worry. As my wife Jill says "your life isn't that bad." It isn't bad, my life is fairly relaxing. The things I worry about are minor in the big scheme of the time and the universe. Yet even with all that said I still worry on a regular basis. I have been a worrier for most of my life. I developed this habit a young age and have perfected it over the years. I worry about the future quite a bit. I think I have worried so much about the future that I have missed many present moments. I don't think any of my worries have come to fruition. My worrying also has not affected the outcome of any event. Yet I still find myself worrying.
I have been present in my kids lives but my mind has been other places many times. Present in body missing in mind, that is how I would describe much of my life. I missed many moments while a youth pastor because of my worrying. On youth trips (which are great for everyone but the youth pastor) I would spend much of my thought time thinking of every worse case scenerio. (Granted a lot of those instants happen with teenagers). I enjoyed many moments after the time but missed out on the present.
It is a daily struggle to keep myself from worrying. My kids help me quite a bit, they keep me from worrying about my insignificant problems. My son Ayden keeps me laughing daily. The other morning he is sitting in my room and I was folding laudry (yes men can fold laundry). There was a tank top that we had picked up at sea world (one that is over priced and has an iron on on it). It had the manatee iron on. I asked Ayden what it was. He was thinking and he has a stuttering problem and so he says "sham, sham, shampoo." I am thinking what is he talking about, then I realized he was refering to the whale at sea world.
About a month ago I am laying in bed not wanting to get up. Ayden comes in the room with a "i just ate lemons" look. He tells me "I don't like ucky donuts." I realize that we don't have donuts. I am thinking what was he eating. I go into the kitchen to see the leftovers from red robin the night before. Ayden had gotten into the to go box and had eaten onion rings.
These are the type of moments I don't want to miss because of worry. I am working on it.

My first real baseball game

2007-06-17T19:57:00.000-07:00

Last night was suppose to be the big night and it was a really cool experience until the rain came in hard from left field. There was an announcer, and all the teams were on the field and then the rain came and we were canceled.
So today (fathers day) was my first official game. My arm felt like crap from the beginning. I think I can pitch 4 innings every two weeks. I struck out 3 in 3 plus innings, 4 hits, 2 earned runs (2 more runs were scored with the help of 4 errors) and I gave up a hr, and hit a batter. It was semi pleased with the outing.
My hitting was a different story. I doubled in my first ab, and drove in 2. I singled and scored a run in my second ab. When I was taken out of the game in the 4th we were up 6-4. When I came up for the third time it was tied in the bottom of the 8th. Runners were on first and second with no body out. I was figuring I would get a hit and win the game. Well the coach had other thoughts, he comes up to me right before my at bat and says bunt. In all my years of baseball I have never bunted in a game. I was shocked and look at him a second time, he gives me the you had better bunt look. I just start laughing. So I bunted and with my blazing speed I beat out the bunt. (So I ended going 3-3.) The next batter hit a ball between first and second and we won the game.
The coach gives game balls out after every win and I got my first game ball ever in baseball. I get to pitch again in two weeks.

My first high school coaching experience

2007-06-13T07:29:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago I wrote how I had volunteered to assist with coaching a high school baseball team. I am now assisting with their summer schedule. Last night the head coach was busy so he asked me to fully coach the team. Of course the game he asked me to coach was against the team that just lost in Semi-State and was extremely good. The good news is we won 3-0 and I am now 1-0 as a coach. :) The game didn't go off without it's interesting moments. Of course there was a practical joker on the team I was coaching who decided to see what I was made of. He tried to run onto the field and play third with hospital goggles on. Then there was our pitcher who didn't enjoy the mound and was trying to loosen up the dirt and kicked some of the dirt/clay into the grass and the coach on the other team started yelling at him. The best part was of course when we scored our first run of the game. One of the slower players was on first base and I thought I was giving the bunt signal to the hitter of course it was the steal sign and the kid started running to second and would have been out by ten feet except it was a horrible throw and it landed in center field. he later scored home on a double steal. Beginners dumb luck.
I get to pitch in my first game this Saturday night against the league champion from last year. I have started to gel with my all spanish team. They decided since I was the only one not of spanish decent to give me a nickname- paco. If anyone would be interested in seeing our first game it is saturday night 7 pm at the Highland Babe Ruth field. (94 west to Kennedy ave, kennedy south to the bowling alley take a left, at the first stop sign take a left and the field is behind the softball fields). If nothing else I got a pretty sweet jersey out of the deal. I am the starting pitcher so get there early it could be a short night.

Long live the amish

2007-06-11T06:55:00.000-07:00

I want to share about my kids and about a crazy Prison experience
My Kids-
My kids crack me up on a regular basis. This week my kids were waiting for Jill to come home and they were getting antsy. I was just messing with them so I asked "What does mommy look like? Maybe she is already here." Ellyse (my daughter) looks at me and says "Mommy looks like us except with Annie hair." (She is a big fan of the Annie movie)
The other night after being in bed for about an hour Ayden (my youngest son) comes down stairs sleepily and asks "Is it morning yet?"
How can one not have humor when you have kids in your life.

My strange/bizzare prison experience-
I had an opportunity to help in Prison this week with a group called Christmas behind bars and their ministry was to give inmates food and gifts. The group who I helped out with was a very diverse group. Amoung the group was some sort of televangelist, his television crew, and disciples. Then there was also an Amish group. The goal as I understood them were the was to give the inmates these gifts in the shortest amount of time possible. They were told they were not to preach at them or spend time in long indepth conversations because of time constraints. The first cell house we go in the televangelist gets at the bottom of the tiers and starts preaching, ranting, and raving. His television crew was there to video tape his every word and step. While he was doing his self promotion. The amish were carrying large bags of food up the tiers of prisoners in 90 degree heat. It was just a strange situation passing out food in a max security prison with a bunch of amish.
There were a couple of other moments that really stuck in my mind from that day: One was- the televangelist was walking through the prison and the television crew was riding in laundry carts with a foam/fluffy microphone over his head and his followers were affirming his every word as he was ranting about all the problems with society. Seeing the way he totally disrespected the whole prison system, the guards, and the chaplains really rubbed me the wrong way.
The there was the amish who didn't say much but were willing to do whatever it took to make sure the job was done. They were a joy to work with and watch work. We were pushing laundry carts full of food to one of the cell houses and I was pushing one cart and this amish chap named Jonny was pushing another. I realized half way to the destination that he was racing me. So of course I tried speeding up. (What chance does a middle age fat man have against anyone who is of the amish work ethic). After Jonny passed me he looks over and says "that is what I call road rage." I never thought I would ever hear an Amish use the word road rage.
It will be interesting to see what kind of impact this group had on both the prisoners and the prison system (guards, administration etc.) I was impacted by both the televangelist and the amish, and there was one that I would love to be like and there was one that totally disgusted me.

Back to prison

2007-05-25T09:17:00.000-07:00

I went back to prison yesterday for the first time since I finished my purpose driven life class. I was able to go into the cell house and see where all the guys from my class lived. The cell house was a dorm type setting but it looked a lot different than I would have thought. Each of the men's cubes resembled a restraunt booth. With the middle being a bed. There are a couple of opportunities that I am going to be able to do. The first is on June 7th I am going to be able to go through the prison with a mennonite group and help distribute food to each prisoner. Then, later this summer I am starting a mentoring small group with 6 inmates. This mentoring group is an experiment, they know at this point they aren't going to have enough mentors for each inmate but they are going to try three small groups of mentoring.

Weekly Update

2007-05-13T12:59:00.000-07:00

Random Weekly thoughts
An Update from my previous blog. When visiting the doctor last week, his advice was to have Kyle start taking deflasicort. (sp). The problem this steriod isn't fda approved. The doctors words were if this was my son this is the treatment I would give him. It is available in Canada. If I am arrested for trafficing drugs it will be for my son.
Last week I was having one of those random conversations with God. Ok it was more of my attempted deal making. Then I realized it is hard to bargin with God. Honestly, I have nothing to work with. It isn't like I have or can do anything He really needs. I am such a control freak that I hate the fact that I am going along for this ride and have no idea where I am going. What I would really love is an answer to the question of what do you do? All the answers I come up with are really lame.
At least my pitching experience was better. It is official I am the only white fellow on my team. I was told at the last preseason game that I am going to start our first teams game. Which is Saturday night June 16th (unsure if that is the date, I just know it is saturday night before fathers day). I struck out 2 last sunday and no one hit the ball out of the infield.

Tomorrow is decision day

2007-05-07T12:14:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow a decision has to come about something that I have dreading for the past 4 years. Kyle has a doctors appointment in Chicago, he has one every 6 months to a year to see how his muscular dystrophy is progressing. We will have to make a decision tomorrow if we are going to start steriod treatment. The reason we would want to start steriods is to keep the remaining muscles he has strong. We have started to see some strength deteroriation with Kyle over the past months. He has fallen more and he doesn't quite have the strength at the end of the day. Best case scenerio is the steriods help for about 6 years. The problem is there are many side effects that aren't to great. The is weight gain, mood changes, and many other possible problems with all sorts of other things.
This is one of the days that I have been dreading since he was diagnosed with md.

Bound4freedom.org

2007-05-03T05:48:00.001-07:00

A couple of months ago I visited one of my college friends who is a pastor. He told me this inspiring story of some women from his church. Their ultimate goal is to become missionaries. There problem was from getting where they are today to the goal of going oversees. A long story short they started making leather bound journals from materials dumpster diving and various other places. These journals caught on and they started selling quite a few and having people in businesses sell for them.
When I was visiting my pastor friend in January this business www.bound4freedom.org had decided that they were eventually going to go oversees and teach women to make these journals and help both them and their families out.
The reason I want to support these people is because they feel they have a calling in their lives to be missionaires and they are not going to be discouraged because of money, lack of family support or anything else. Most of us want to make a difference but we give up somewhere before the finish line.

last prison class

2007-05-01T18:43:00.000-07:00

Tonight was it, it was the culmination of my first maximum security prison class. I had them write a testimony paper for their final which I collected tonight. I have been reading them over the past hour and am speechless. The stories that have come pouring out these men are amazing. Many times when we think of miracles we think of physical healings, but we miss the miracle of changed lives. I was having an interesting conversation with one of my pupils tonight, there is still a great need for mentors in this setting. This pupil was telling me about one of the inmates who was in his words a "physco murderer" and how one day he came into the chapel and laid down his shank on the alter and refuted his arian nation alliances (he was later beaten close to death for this) and gave his life to God. In the 27 years of time he has served he has never had a visitor. He is now a faithful man serving God who needs a mentor. :)This theme of changed lives was interwoven throughout the night and through the papers the pupils turned in to me. God uses all sorts of things to get our attention, He has used prison to get many of these mens attention.I was asked tonight numerous times if I was going to teach another class? I am not going to right away, I was asked by the chaplain if I would do some one day classes, which if I agree I will ask some of you to help me.There are so many different attitudes, lessons, and friends that I have taken away from this class,I have promised them that I am not going to forget them. I cant let my new friends and brothers in Christ just sit and rot away in prison.Ben

Monday Thoughts

2007-04-23T08:14:00.000-07:00

It is easy to see bad customer service in businesses. The complaining usually follows and we tell all our friends about what jerks that business is. Sometimes the opposite is not true, if we have great service do we tell others about it? I had a great experience this week with the U-Haul on route 6 in south haven. I had to pick up 6,000 books in northern wisconsin and had a quote from another truck company. Judy from the south haven U-Haul is awesome. She matched the price but I would have paid a little more to use this branch of U-Haul. I have had experience with her before and she is great. She bends over backwards for her customers. if you need to rent a truck in this area use her. She is great.

The Red Sox swept the Yankees this weekend :) That always makes a weekend better.

Next time I buy a grill it will be the pre assembled floor model.

I was so happy how I had pitched last week in my old mans league. I was equally disappointed with this weeks outing. My arm is killing me.

Rice Lake Wisconsin is a long ways away. Thank you Micah for spending friday with me. (I drove to this little quaint town in northern wisc to pick up books).

Our worship service/gathering has a really good music leader. We will soon be doing our service weekly.

Back,back,back, back (ramirez,drew,lowell,varitek). The highlight of my weekend.